Denial (Salvis)

Acceptance, or Manipulation? {28}

A/n

Three Travis chapters in a row, I must be crazy! I was going to make you guys wait to find out what happens to him, but I was too excited to stall anymore.

        Every fiber of his being was begging him to leave, to bolt out of the house and never stop running, to kick in Sal's door and curl up in his arms, but he knew that wasn't an option. The only thing he could do was follow his father's commands and pray for the best, pray that God would smile upon him, just once. Travis closed the door behind him, rigidly standing in the entryway, bag lazily slung over his shoulder.

"Sit, don't be a stranger, Son." Kenneth face showed no trace of anger, but rather, an uneasy lack of emotions. Nonetheless, Travis complied, fighting back the urge to fall to his knees and sob. 

"Would you care to explain what this is?" He picked up the journal and waved it in front of Travis' face.

"I-I'm sorry, Sir." Travis croaked out, his lip quivering in fear.

"I didn't ask you if you were sorry, I asked you to explain what it is."

The boy swallowed, unsure of how to respond, "I- um. That's my journal, Sir, it's where I write my thoughts and feelings." 

"I see, do these thoughts include homosexual fantasies, Travis?" The sentence made Travis' blood run cold.

Travis didn't want to respond, the thought of admitting his sins was mortifying, "yes, I'm sorry, Father." He tensed as Kenneth shifted, expecting a strike across the face, but it didn't come.

"Sal, I love you. Everything about you is so perfect, I love the way your eyes shimmer when you laugh, the way you spin your pencil on your finger when you're bored in class, I'm in love with you. I never thought it would be okay to actually love someone, but you've changed that. I want to feel your lips against mine, I want to embrace you in my arms and your scent to overwhelm my mind. You're everything I want.' Really, Travis? Are you joking?" He ripped the paper out of the book, followed by another, and another, until the entire book was destroyed. "I didn't raise you to be a faggot, you vile cock sucker."

Travis cringed at his own writing, did he always sound that desperate? "I know, I'm so sorry."

"You slept at his house last night?"

He knew there was no point in lying, Kenneth already knew the truth, "yes."

"How could you do this? After everything I've done for you, you turn into a disgusting sinner."

"I'm sorry! I wish I were different, I never wanted this!" Travis pleaded, throwing his face into his hands.

Kenneth inhaled deeply, staring daggers into his son. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, Kenneth covering his face in shame. The silence was  broken, only by soft cries from Travis and the occasional beg for forgiveness when he could muster up the oxygen. His father then did something he'd never done before, and pulled Travis into a hug. Initially, Travis was scared, but eased into it, and reciprocated the gesture. Kenneth was never an attentive or kind father, but that one simple action gave Travis hope.

"Father, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I disappointed you, I don't want to be like this." He bawled into his father's shoulder, feeling the self-hatred that permanently itched in his mind come rushing back to the forefront of his thoughts. 

"I have tried so hard to raise you right. You participated in church, you gave speeches, you even preached to your peers in school, but it wasn't enough. Why are you doing this, is it all just to hurt me? What have I done to deserve this?" Somehow, Kenneth's words stung more than the physical punishment Travis expected. The kicks to the ribs and broken noses didn't hold a candle to the wave of guilt that washed over him.