Desire and Despair

Chapter 1

Nathan reveled in his few moments of peace, trying to savor every second. Ever since he'd landed in prison all he'd done was talk. Of course, it had only been a day, but it felt much longer because so much had changed. His whole life had flipped upside down in the span of a few short hours. He couldn't quite process it yet, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Nothing wrong with a little denial when reality wasn't worth facing. Because his current reality wasn't exactly the perfect life he'd used to live. And yet part of him was still glad that at least the inevitable had happened. The waiting and wondering had been torture, counting down the moments, torn between doing everything he loved one more time-one last game of golf, one last glass of champagne, one last peaceful family breakfast-or doing nothing to be truly at peace-because soon he wouldn't be able to do either. Now the worst had happened, and at least there was no more wondering. But the price of not having to fight against his own mind was having to fight everyone else's. Teddy wanted him back, wanted him to go back to the naive best friend he'd once been like nothing had changed, because he was deeply loyal. He cared about almost no one, he was too guarded after losing his family. But when he did care he'd do anything to keep that person in his life. He wasn't losing anyone, ever again. So he used all his charms, all his mind games, and Nathan could never avoid him. They were stuck together all day every day, bound by iron bars and scowling guards patrolling the halls with machine guns. Teddy also shared his luxury treatment with Nathan. His cell was large and comfortable it even had a TV, Nathan could order champagne or anything he wanted really, and he was always invited to participate in the poker games, although he always declined. The other prisoners accepted him unquestioningly. In all the years they'd known Teddy, he'd never gotten close to anyone. He knew everyone, and they all liked him, but he didn't really care deep down. But Nathan was different. He was under Teddy's protection, and Teddy was the most powerful person in the prison. So they all welcomed Nathan warmly, though privately they found him a little dull. He didn't socialize much, and he seemed a little broody. It was kind of insulting that after they'd pulled out all the stops to impress Teddy he chose that. But they made Nathan's life as happy as possible. They all knew what happened to people who crossed Teddy.

Teddy walked back into their cell with some fancy chocolates. "Would you like one?" he offered.

Nathan shook his head firmly. "I know what you're trying to do Teddy."

"Caramel, your favorite," Teddy offered with a smile.

"Actually it's raspberry," Nathan replied. I've changed, remember?"

"I'd like to be friends again," Teddy offered. "Maybe after everything that's happened you can understand me. I'm not pure evil Nathan. It's much more complicated than that."

"I know," Nathan admitted because now he did. He'd hurt innocent people too. He'd seen firsthand how quickly the lines blurred.

"Then why are you still angry?" Teddy asked. "I didn't burn all those houses down back then just to hurt you. That was never my goal."

"You didn't do it all to hurt me, sure," Nathan acknowledged. "But you knew it would and that didn't stop you. I know you always have a bigger endgame. But you chose that over me. I don't have to forgive the damage you caused just because it was collateral."

"I may not have protected you back then, but now I can," Teddy offered. "I own this place. You see how everyone's polite to you here? That's because of me."

"How do you have so much power?" Nathan asked.

"Well," Teddy smiled smugly. "Money is power. But it's more than that. I also have created a gang here of only the strongest, smartest, best people. We look out for ourselves, by looking out for each other. Everyone wins."