Desire and Despair

Chapter 18

"I have some rather lovely news," Rochelle exclaimed when Nathan walked into her office. "I've only just managed to snag you a spot in the "Day Back Home" program."

"But I can't just go back home," Nathan protested, confused.

Rochelle smiled the half-condescending, secretive smile of a benefactor who knows something you don't, the smile of a parent giving a gift they'd pretended wasn't feasible to heighten the surprise on Christmas morning. "Actually you can. That's the programs whole goal, to give people a chance to experience their real life again. It's helps with behavior when people remember what's waiting for them. On the other side of these iron gates there's a whole life waiting for you, and that's easy to forget. You'd get to live life free for a day, but only if you want to, not if you feel like it would make adjusting harder."

"Trust me, I want to," Nathan said, and he didn't think he'd ever meant anything so sincerely. It probably would make adjusting harder, he couldn't even move on now when all he had were faded memories far in the past. But he was truly desperate, he wasn't about to ruin his one shot with responsibility.

So the next day Nathan was released, just for a day, to spend time with Katie. He still had a tracking bracelet, and he'd be in prison for life if he so much as thought about heading toward the border. Still, none of that mattered, he was living his life again. Rochelle was right, it was sunny outside, there was a beautiful world beyond his misery, and for one day he got to live in it. It was strange to drive for a while to get home, when once upon a time he'd simply woken up there every morning. But strangely enough, even after months of adjusting, he didn't feel the least bit out of place, it felt like coming home again after a long excursion. This was still home, where he belonged, and nothing would ever change that, no amount of time or distance.

"Katie!" he exclaimed, running up to give her a hug. They weren't in love anymore, never really had been if he was totally honest with himself, but they were friends now, which was better because it was what they were meant to be.

"Hey!" she said, for the first time sounding a little tired. Her hair was a little messy too, she wasn't trying for perfection anymore, and he was ready to finally get to know the real her. "Sorry I'm late I overslept. Gets exhausting being your dream girl all the time."

Nathan laughed. "You played her well. But I'm starting to think she doesn't exist, at least not in real life."

Katie rolled her eyes affectionately. "Lighten up loser! If i can drop my obnoxious cheerfulness you can drop your emo attitude for a day and have some fun."

Nathan smiled. "You're right. Besides, maybe my dream girl is out there. She's not what I thought she'd be..but she's kind of perfect.."

"Ooh," Katie said. "As your ex-wife of many years I probably shouldn't be so happy to hear that, but I'm proud of you. How'd you meet?"

Nathan laughed. "She's my therapist."

Katie burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh! Why is that the most Nathan Parker thing ever? It seems exactly like something you would do."

Nathan grinned. "It kind of does," he admitted. "But it's not that simple. There's always going to be something between me and Heather, I've never really gotten over her."

"Well, enough about your love life, or lack of one," she declared. "I'm dying for some coffee, so let's check out Starbucks first."

Nathan laughed. "Right because when I was locked away in prison that was all I dreamed about." But beyond the sarcasm it kind of was, he wanted the simple things back most of all, the tiny luxuries that had all piled on top of each other, each one piece in a million of a happy life.