Desire and Despair

Chapter 6

Heather smiled as she hurried into the jail to see Teddy. It had only been two days since she'd seen him last, but in her mind that was far too long. Yesterday she'd been busy watching Katie's kids during visiting hours. She and Katie had become some kind of friends after Katie wouldn't stop nagging her and she'd finally agreed to come over. Her kids were adorable, and even though Katie herself was annoying Heather did get lonely sometimes. She had plenty of friends and a job that really did keep her pretty busy, but sometimes she wanted to be around someone who understood everything she was going through. She wasn't sure that Katie did exactly, she lived in denial, in her own perfect world where everything was wonderful, an alternate reality filled with her blissful ignorance. But still, they'd been through a lot together. And Nathan was one of her best friends in the world, and she'd still do anything for him. Maybe she should stop by and visit him now. She knew he didn't approve of Teddy, and Teddy didn't exactly approve of her seeing him but their friendship had survived way worse than that already. She asked to see him cheerfully, excited to see her old friend. When Nathan heard he had another visitor he was surprised, but he wouldn't miss a chance to escape Teddy.

"Well someone's popular," his guard grumbled, guiding him out with a little shove. "Can't imagine why."

Nathan laughed. "Honestly neither can I. I'm sort of a terrible person, but I'm working on it."

She scowled. "Don't use that tone with me. I've just about had it with you."

Nathan held his tongue until he reached his visitor, not wanting to create any more problems for himself. It was so strange to hate someone now because after all he'd hated Aidan more than anyone, and now here he was half-sad to see him gone if only for the memories. He'd probably miss his guard too someday after enough time had passed for him to be sufficiently softened by the deceptive warmth of nostalgia. Someday, maybe he'd want it all back. But for the moment all he wanted was to hurry away and meet his mystery visitor. His face lit up when he saw it was Heather. "Sure you got the right guy?" he joked.

Heather laughed. "Yes, Nathan I wanted to visit my friend. Don't make me regret it." "

"Any tips on surviving this place?" Nathan asked with a wry grin.

She giggled. "Just find two cute boys to break you out."

Nathan laughed. "In my case I don't think it's that simple."

"Well," she said slowly," back when I was in prison I didn't make many friends. It was a tough time. I spent most of my time parked in front of the TV. So definitely find a good TV show to watch. Other than that it was just me and Jackson. We were really close."

"Sorry," Nathan apologized quickly, realizing he'd brought up a sensitive subject.

"It's okay," Heather answered calmly. "I'm really happy with Teddy now."

"Speaking of Teddy," Nathan announced," You won't believe who my cellmate is."

Heather let out a surprised squeal. "That's so Teddy," she exclaimed affectionately. "Does this mean you're best friends again?"

"Not quite," Nathan answered ruefully. "More like I'm living my worst nightmare."

Heather rolled her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic Nathan," she sighed affectionately. "He can't be any worse than Ellie. When I was in jail she was my roommate and I don't even think she was human. She'd get up at five every morning and start loudly humming. And I'm pretty sure she watched me sleep."

"That sounds awful," Nathan admitted. "Teddy's nothing like that. He's been perfectly nice, and thanks to him I live the luxury prison life. He and his friends even invited me to play poker."

"What did you say?" Heather asked.

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "What do you think? Now if it had been a civilized game of golf I might've answered differently."

Heather laughed at him. "I could teach you sometime. Jackson used to let me play cards with the guards."

Nathan smiled. "It's so nice to just be friends with you," he declared happily. "No sad silences, no wishing we could change the past, just having fun with each other. It's great to not be in love with you, Heather Hanson." And maybe there was some kind of denial in those words, but he said them with such determination he couldn't help believing them too.

She grinned. "It's great to not have you in love with me too! I tried to help you out with this new haircut." And maybe that was kind of a lie, she missed the admiration that had used to shine in his eyes, but what were a few more lies after all they'd been through together? They were always tiptoeing on eggshells around each other, so tangled in deception they'd half-forgotten the truth.

Nathan laughed. "C'mon it looks great."

"Oh I know," Heather admitted. "That's one thing I miss about you being in love with me, it was great for my self esteem."

Nathan laughed. "Shouldn't Teddy boost it enough? I mean he burned down a house for you. Although that's a pretty desperate way to get a girl."

Heather giggled. "Well how many girls can say they've had a house burned down for them? It does do wonders for your self esteem. But I did like keeping my options open."

Nathan rolled his eyes affectionately. "Heather you have a million options."

"True," she conceded.

"And is that really all I was to you?" he demanded, pretending to be offended.

"Oh don't worry," Heather assured him,"You've always been in the top three."

"Well that does wonders for my self esteem," Nathan declared.

"You don't need it, you're married to Katie," Heather pointed out. "That girl worships you."

"Speaking of her I heard you've become best friends," Nathan exclaimed.

"Well that sounds like how Katie would put it," Heather said with a laugh. "We have hung out a lot. At first I avoided her but then I cracked eventually and I loved your kids, and her cookies were amazing, and she's like a Hallmark movie. They're a little ridiculous, and annoying, and stupid but they leave you with a smile on your face, feeling a little more hopeful."

"To be honest those are all I watch in here," Nathan admitted. "They make the world seem a little better, and even if it's fake, I'll take it."

"Well, that explains why you and Katie are so perfect for each other," Heather reasoned.

"You and Teddy too...in a way. It's all an escape I guess," Nathan sighed. "I'll give it to you though, you make him happy. I don't know how you do it."

She laughed. "I'm a nice person. You should try it sometime."

He laughed with her and they had fun for a good hour. But when time ran out and she had to go she hoped desperately Teddy wouldn't find out. She wasn't even supposed to be seeing Nathan. Teddy had told her to choose between them. Her "friendship" with Nathan, every random conversation laced with deeper meanings he'd never say out loud, or her genuine relationship with Teddy, who said just what he meant and was free to give her everything, or at least as free as anyone could be from behind bars, unhindered by a wife and kids. Teddy was the obvious answer. She'd never leave him. He was her choice. But as that disastrous party so long ago had proven she'd never been good at sticking to just one.