Desire and Despair

Chapter 19

Teddy Appleton didn't sleep very often, or very well. Most nights were spent plotting, like a true movie villain. Nathan, it seemed, would never succumb to the dark side, never again be the innocent buddy on the playground. And that hurt, Teddy didn't know how to deal with not being wanted. Some days he thought he should just get rid of Nathan. Nathan only dragged him down and gave him a much more tangible sense of what he'd lost, the friendship they'd forever buried so long ago. Of course, he'd done it to himself, but back then he'd had a little more faith in his ability to convert Nathan back to what he needed. He'd underestimated Nathan's sheer willpower, the obstinate way he clung to Andrew's hopelessly boring, sappy ideals. All his talk of being "better" when better just meant wealth and power, and all Nathan had was half a cell and a few morals. He didn't have many crimes to his name either, might as well if he'd be locked up for so long regardless. Teddy had the chance to get rid of him though, he had a knife and a whole prison that would bend to his will. He ruled the prison, people attended to his every whim, and it wasn't like he'd get caught. Some nights like these he truly considered it as Nathan slept so peacefully, so secure and calm in his life, blissfully ignorant that at any second it could come to an end. There was something mocking in the deep serenity of his sleep like he knew he had nothing to fear from Teddy. Once Teddy had haunted him, when he'd had his whole life ahead of him, far away from a dark, gloomy cell, because Teddy would do anything to put him behind bars. But now that iron bars surrounded him, and patrolling guards paced all around him, he was safe. Teddy had reached his limit, there was no more he could do. Because sometimes he went beyond considering, truly meant to finish the job, finally end their toxic dance he'd grown too dizzy for. In a single moment he could defeat Nathan forever, even if he was awake he couldn't put up much of a fight. But he had greater strength than whatever feeble punches he'd throw, he had all their memories, the full weight of all the nostalgia fighting his battles for him. And they won, without fail, because Teddy Appleton could destroy just about anyone in a fight, but his weakness would always be his simple childhood days when none of that mattered because he was just happy. It wasn't really the richest, strongest, craziest people who had all the power, the people to really fear were the ones who held their hearts in their hands and pulled all their strings. So every time he gave up, realizing with increasing desperation that he couldn't seem to ever win against Nathan, could only ever hope to someday bring him to his side because Nathan was heartless. Maybe Nathan fought for something bigger than himself, some greater duty, some higher calling, and maybe he, Teddy Appleton, never had, and didn't really want Nathan gone forever. And maybe Nathan had changed, and maybe he could still burn down all the houses in the world but two without a second thought. But it was ironic that he was always painted the villain, always the "bad guy" when he couldn't bring himself to kill Nathan, but history proved Nathan could've done it to him.