Desire and Despair

Chapter 27

Nathan smiled to himself as he packed his bags. After so many years it finally felt like his life was falling into place. He was finally getting out of prison, and he had a whole future with Rochelle ahead of him, a clean slate to start over on. Because his agenda was truly completed now, he'd paid the price for what he'd done, there were no more secrets he could be threatened with, and now Teddy was safely in jail, which had been his mission from day one. Maybe he was just petty but it felt so good to be packing up all his things, imagining walking out of the jail forever. He could just picture himself strutting out, maybe doing a little hair flip or something, an unbothered look of being above it all across his face. But his anticipation was broken when that one guard who always bothered him popped in.

"Get your stuff packed," she snapped.

"I'm working on it," Nathan replied as pleasantly as he could because he couldn't hate anyone today.

"Heard your getting outta here," the guard added. "Transferring to max security or something?"

Nathan laughed but his eyes darkened. So much for that newfound charity, he was definitely capable of hating someone today. "Nope! I'm getting out actually!" And he enjoyed watching the guard's face fall, happy to be completely obnoxious about his bright future just to rub it in her face. Maybe it wasn't exactly perfect but no one else needed to know that. For all intents and purposes, he was living a fairytale. No one on the outside could tell the difference. That was good enough for him. "And I'm dating Rochelle now." He couldn't help saying that part a little smugly. Rochelle was far above the guard's prejudices, far out of both their leagues. He couldn't help bragging a little.

"She has my sympathies," Erica muttered because that was the only dig she could make. Rochelle wasn't flawed so she could only half-compliment Nathan, making fun of how he had someone far better than he deserved, which he'd already known. He didn't even mind, he knew Rochelle was too good for him, and the thought made him happy. He'd found he was far happier chasing what was above him than being on top of a world far below him.

"I'm really gonna miss you," Nathan sighed sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes. "Well it's a good riddance from me. Glad this place finally got around to taking out the trash." And with that final dig, she walked off, leaving Nathan alone with his packing. One thing on top of another, things in boxes just like always. It felt strangely natural, other than an underlying nagging feeling that it probably shouldn't. But he'd never found stability in life, he'd grown used to living knowing everything could change at any given moment. He never woke up in the morning truly expecting to be in the same bed by nightfall, that just wasn't the way of the world. He'd used to be a control freak, planning things out years in advance. But that was before he'd realized how fragile life was. He didn't really have control over anything, and once he got past the terror he felt a little free. His things had always been half-packed, he'd never even truly unpacked beyond his daily necessities. He hadn't bothered really getting to know this place, after all, what was the point? He still didn't know where the nurse was, and that was a little funny. He'd never know, because he'd never stay long enough to care, forever rushing through his tasks, ignoring everyone around, eyes on the exit as the clock ticked down. Always first to leave everything, if he even bothered to show up at all. At least he was consistent.

Nathan had to smile when he stumbled on his old prison uniform he'd always hated. So glaringly orange, he'd always felt totally washed out. Well, now he was free of it forever. He'd like to burn it or something. But in some attempt at maturity, he just threw it away, so glad to see it go he could've skipped through the halls.

Just then Teddy walked in. Nathan immediately focused on his sweaters, trying to appear busy, it was always awkward between him and Teddy. But Teddy was looking at him strangely, not like he usually did. Maybe even he was feeling a little nostalgic too, for everything that was coming to an end.