The Unsaid

Chapter Ten

I walk towards the tavern like usual. The whole way there, I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday. The sun was slowly start to raise, as I got to the tavern door. I sigh and unlock the tavern, and walk inside. All lights were off still and I was the only one here. It was quiet. Too quiet. I walk towards the counter and set my bag down. I then turn on the lights and sit down behind the counter. My mind was on her still. She was out in Skyrim by herself now, and she's never been past Whiterun yet. I look over towards the bar, oddly getting a glass of Whiskey sounded like a great idea. I did just that too. Poured myself a glass of Whiskey and sat back down behind the counter. I tried to get myself lost in a book, but I couldn't. I grab my glass of Whiskey I've been sipping on, and down the whole thing. Just as I sat the glass back down, someone came into the tavern. I look up, seeing Lauren. I look away, back down to the book I definitely wasn't reading.
"Hey. I thought we had plans last night but you didn't come to Whiterun to get me. Is everything alright?" She asks. I sigh and stand, walking back over to the bar and pouring myself another drink.
"Siris?" She asks.
"I ain't in the mood right now, Lauren" I say sternly, keeping my eyes on the glass of Whiskey I just poured. Just then, I heard the door open again. I look up and Ragnarok and Cotal were now here. Cotal smiles at me as he passes me to go to the library. Ragnarok walks over to me and sits down on one of the bar seats.
"Pour me one please" Ragnarok says softly. I nod and grab him a glass, filling his and handing it to him. I could tell he wasn't okay, and neither was I.
"I ain't mad at you. Please understand this, Siris" Ragnarok says softly before reaching for the glass of Whiskey. He downs the whole thing before looking at me.
"This wasn't your fault" He says softly. I look down to my glass. I didn't say anything to him, and he didn't say anymore. Lauren sat down next to Ragnarok, but keeping a seat between them. After a bit, and a couple of drinks, I was out back working. Making weapons made me feel better, as well as the Whiskey. But the thing I didn't realize, was I just created a hole I won't be getting out of for a while. For the next three years, I drowned myself in alcohol and sex. Alcohol became a daily thing, then a constant thing. From the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to bed, I was drinking. But the more I drank, the more the guilt I got. I honestly don't remember much from this time period, but I can tell you bits and pieces. Myself and Lauren got serious. She ended up moving in with me at some point, which made it official in my eyes. Having her around was a blessing, but a hell all in one. She hated me drinking as much as I was, and we've even argued over it. But she's still here. Not sure why, but she is. Ragnarok and Cotal also got serious around this time period. Ragnarok never told me, but I could tell. They spent most of their time together ever since Mazikeen's disappearance. They also distanced themselves from me. I know why as well. I tend to snap at them a lot now, which hurts me. But I was deep in my own hell, to realize Ragnarok's also in a hell of his own. But one night, one night changed it all. But not for the good. For the worse. I was working still at the tavern. Myself and Lauren weren't on the greatest terms, since the night before, I was too drunk to please her. I just finished up, was drinking myself a tall glass of Whiskey, when Ragnarok came into the restaurant area of the tavern. He sees me and walks over to me.
"Si. Can we talk?" He asks. I look up and nod.
"What's goin on with you?" He asks. I shake my head.
"Nothing. I'm fine" I say, finishing off my glass. 
"Siris" He says sternly.
"I'm fine Ragnarok! Gods. Why do you keep asking me? I'm. Fine" I say sternly.
"You're not fine. Gods man, we don't even talk anymore! What the actual fuck is going on with you?" He says, starting to get angry, I could tell. I shake my head.
"I told you. Nothing. Now. If you'll excuse me, I'm going home" I say, mad now as well. Ragnarok shakes his head and walks back to the library. I leave and head home. I was already livid because of Ragnarok, but I didn't expect my night to get worse. I expected to go home, get asked to have sex, and then go to sleep. But when I got home, I wasn't greeted with a hug, or even a hey. I was greeted a way I never expected to hear.
"Gods. Seriously? You're drunk again?" Lauren asks, I could tell by her voice she was annoyed. I look back at her, with the most pissed off look on my face.
"The fuck did you just say?" I ask, angered completely now. She laughs.
"You're drunk, again" She says laughing and shaking her head.
"Gods. You really need to stop. I'm getting tired of cleaning up after you, as well as practically taking care of you" She says laughing. That, that ticked a nerve. I walk up to her, dropping my bag on the floor by the door.
"You get on my nerves. I can't believe you'd say that" I say angered. She laughs.
"You think this is funny? You haven't ever asked me what the hells going on with me! You know, I thought I wanted to propose to you, but maybe I shouldn't" I say out of anger. She already knew I had planned on it, because I was wearing the amulet of Mara.
"You shouldn't. We're not dating. I don't love you. You are just a person I mess around with. I agreed to move in with you, to help you. But you're so Gods damned worried about that stupid girl-" She starts as I cut her off.
"Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. House" I say, pausing after every word. I was beyond livid now. Beyond. She looked confused, and it just made me more pissed.
"Get your shit, and get the fuck out of my house!" I yell. She looks at me with the most disgust look ever.
"Fine. Fuck you" She says, grabbing her stuff she left over here, which wasn't much. She then leaves without saying another word. She left and I just stood there.
"Fuck!" I yell, kicking the kitchen island. I place both hands on the island after, looking down at it when I hear a knock on the door. I was still very mad, and walked fast to the door. I couldn't believe she came back. I opened the door.
"I told you to fucking leave!" I yell, then seeing who was standing there. It was Ragnarok and Cotal.
"The fuck happened?" Ragnarok asked, completely shocked. The tears started after that and I just backed up, turning around and walking back to the kitchen. I hear the door shut and a fast paced footsteps comes my way, as well as a slower paced that stopped at a point. I felt arms go around my back and I just broke down.
"Siris. What the fuck? Come on man. Talk to me! Please! For the love of the Gods, Siris, what the fuck happened?" Ragnarok asked. I could tell he was mad, but not at me. He was mad because he thought something happened.
"Fucking Lauren, okay?!" I say turning to him.
"You were fucking right! I should've just listened to you, but no! I just had to completely ignore what you said and just did it. Now she pissed me off to the fucking extreme now. She told me. She actually told me she was using me! Are you happy now, Ragnarok?!" I yell.
"Are you fucking happy?" I repeat.
"And Gods, your damned sister is still out there because of me! I didn't want to talk to you because I thought you hated me! So I've been drinking and drinking and drinking trying to just be okay and Lauren just had to push me to my Gods damned limit! So just go! Just leave me the fuck alone!" I say sternly. But Ragnarok didn't leave. He just hugged me. I balled in his arms, as he tried his hardest to calm me down. It didn't help though. There was so much going on, it made it difficult to stop crying once I started. I don't remember anything after that. I woke up the next morning on my couch, with Ragnarok and Cotal asleep still in the other arm chairs. But I remembered last night. I remember it fully. Lauren was no longer in my life, and honestly I hope it stays that way. She went too far last night, and honestly, I did too. Especially towards Ragnarok. I got up slowly, took some medicine for my headache, and showered. After that, both Ragnarok and Cotal were up and talking in the living room. It was muffled, so I didn't hear what they were saying, but I knew they were up. I get dressed for the day, and leave the bathroom. I see them once I leave the hallway. I stop by the couch, cross my arms, and lean on the wall.
"Look. I'm sorry about last night" I say softly, not looking to them.
"Don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault. Things were difficult as is, and she pushed you to far. But Siris. You need to calm down on the drinking. You've been drinking non stop for years now. Just slow down a bit. I'm not telling you to stop, just take it easier now. Please" He says. I nod slowly.
"Why have you been? Lauren, my sister, me?" He asks. I look up to him.
"Just a lot. Cas, Mazikeen, Lauren, Rose, you, just.... Everything right now" I say softly. He nods slowly.
"I know you're in pain, Si. But this isn't like you. At all. I just need you okay. We're still a team wether you like it or not. You realize this, right? You promised you'd help me with Mazikeen and you did a hell of a job doing it. But now, now you need us. So please. Just let me and Cotal in. You're my best friend. I need you to be okay and talk to us" He says softly. I nod slowly.
"The situation with Mazikeen has been bothering me for years. Lauren helped me with it, her just being here helped. But now, now that's messed up. I hate this. I truly do. I know what I'm doing and I know how much it causing problems for the Tavern. I haven't been making swords and just have been sitting at the counter. My tavern is declining because of me. I hate it completely because that tavern is my life. But... I..." I say softly.
"I already know. Trust me. We're both fighting demons right now. Hell, all of us are. But Si, we have each other. You don't have to fight this alone" Ragnarok says softly. I nod slowly.
"I hate myself for what I'm doing. To you guys, the tavern, and to myself" I say softly. He nods.
"I know. But that doesn't mean you have to shut me out" He starts.
"We're still a team"