Something's wrong with sam. .

Entry #7 : Love?

That night, Sam couldn't sleep. It was like an itch at the back of his mind, he wanted to know what 'Jacob' was doing. He needed to know what 'Jacob' Was doing.

He had never gotten undressed into something more comfortable and he's been home for a couple of hours, it was like he was never planning to sleep either way.

He opened the window quietly to his bedroom as his parents were still awake in the living room, probably talking about marriage stuff. He slipped out of the window and closed it back slightly so his cat wouldn't be able to leave through the tight hole.

It was night, around eleven-thirty at night. Almost time for twelves o' clock. It was pitch black outside and you could hear the faint sound of cicadas and frogs.

The grass was wet as if it has just rained. Sam had half a mind to stop by Jacob's "house."

However, he became sidetracked by his thoughts of going back into the forest. It would be too dark to see anything so he'd have to rely on his phone flashlight.

He gulped and prayed for the best as he ran into the forest, passing the broken down gate that said "do not enter." His first instinct was to go to the opening where he had last seen Jacob alive, he didn't know why either. All he knew is that it was important to him for some odd reason.

"Here.." he muttered under his heavy breathing. The moonlight shone right in the opening of the forest, leaving Sam able to see a lot more than if it was dark.

He picked a rock to sit by. He sat by the steep hill you had to cross to get here, however, he made a mistake looking over it.

He immediately flash-backed to the moment of when Jacob fell and he didn't save him. Thoughts filled his head like an empty and dirty pool. His head was spinning and he felt like throwing up. Then he lost his grip.

He expected himself to go tumbling and land on one of the sharp rocks at the bottom. But when he opened his eyes, he was being dragged to the middle of the opening by someone unknown.

"Huh-"

"You almost fell." 'Jacob' bent down in front of him. Sam looked down and sighed, probably of relief. However, that quickly ended when the thought, the realization, came to his head.

"Why didn't you let me fall..?" Sam backed away using his arms and sat on a larger rock. "Why would I let you die?"

Sam was shocked. Did it.. care? Did it have feelings? Did it understand? Like, Actually understand?

"W-Why are you here? Did you follow me?"

'Jacob' was quiet. "You shouldn't come here alone, y'know. Bad things happen to people who come here alone." His voice was monotone but serious.

"Why do you care..?"

"Why are you asking so many questions? I'm trying to keep you safe because I.. I.." 'Jacob' snapped at him and immediately lowered it's voice.

"Do you care if I sit with you?" Sam wanted to say "yes, of course I do." Or something more like "I do."

But of course, he was too timid to say that. "No.."

'Jacob' made himself comfortable near the blonde, though they were a considerable distance away. It was silent, it was peaceful. Sam didn't feel peaceful though, he felt on edge. He felt.. afraid.

His only thoughts kept repeating and ending up back to a singular one.

Please don't hurt me.

'Jacob' opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. "Say what you were gonna say.. whatever it is can't be that bad."

"Ah, okay.. uh.." 'Jacob' cleared it's throat and spoke up. "About your uh.. boyfriend."

"He wasn't my boyfriend." Sam immediately corrected it. Even if they had made out or anything else, Sam didn't consider them official. In a small town like this? It would've been shunned for them to get together, and Sam was already a target of rumors and bullying. Not anymore.

"Right. Right.. Sorry." 'Jacob' laughed awkwardly and cleared his throat again. "I'm sorry about.. your friend."

"Mhm.."

"I really am.. I honestly took his body not only because it'd give me a proper chance to experience life as a human. But he had people who'd care about and for him. It wouldn't be right if he were pronounced dead.."

"So.. You have feelings now?" Sam scoffed.

"Excuse me-"

"YOU practically took me hostage and made me answer questions for you. For what, I don't even know!! YOU were in charge of the whole thing!! YOU.. You.." Sam immediately broke down into a sob. He was never able to properly grieve or get therapy for what he had gone through. Who would believe him anyways.

"I don't.. experience emotions like others do. For example, a lot of humans may.. feel happy!! I seldomly feel happy. Or disgusted. Or jealous. Or anything else. I base those feelings off the memories i get from the people who have died and allowed for me to take their body..."

"Allowed..?" Sam looked up, his eyes were puffy but he still managed to give it a confused look. "I.. It's a long story. I can.. basically take bodies when and if the person agrees whilst dying. It would give me access to all their memories and traits they had. To make me exactly identical with very little flaws."

"That's stupid.. And he agreed?"

Silence followed afterwards. "I don't have all of his memories or traits." It clicked, Sam knew exactly what it meant. 'Jacob' has taken it's current body not by agreement, but by force. This caused Sam to have his anger boil up more.

"It's not like i wanted to!! No no, He told me.. that he had a crush. Back in the town, and he didn't want him to grieve or rather, become sad. He also told me about his family, especially his little sister."

Sam didn't respond so 'Jacob' kept talking.

"I couldn't respond to him but I wanted to offer him closure.. I knew what it felt like.. to die. It's not.. Fun, it's not going to Heaven, it's painful and it's knowing you may not come back. I gave him a chance to come back, conscious or not."

"So.. he didn't die immediately?"

"No. He didn't." Sam felt himself become depressed. He had a chance to save him, to get help. Yet, he let him stay there and suffer. He let him die alone and cold in the water, not knowing what was going to happen next. He let him die.

"Sam.." 'Jacob' muttered and looked at him, Sam didn't bother to look at him. "I like you, y'know that, right?"

I like you, y'know that, right?

Sam felt his stomach twist and turn. How much worse could his situation get? How much wore could any of the get?

Why him? Why was he the one to deal with this? He felt like throwing up again, The feeling running past him at what seemed like one hundred miles per hour.

"Why?" Sam hesitated, it was all in his voice as well.

"Memories play a large role in it. You were the first person I saw in them. You were nice, outcasted, sure. But you were nice and what some would call underrated."

Sam stood up. "Okay.."

"Are you going home?" Sam Nodded. "Allow me to come with you then, I should be going back as well. The parents might get worried soon.."

They walked back in silence. 'Jacob' understood what it felt like to feel or to be loved. Or liked. It just didn't know if what it was feeling was truly a like for Sam.

After all, Sam is one of the last people who would want something to do with him.

Did he like Sam? Or was it just the memories playing him again?