Who am I?

This is who i am

My name is Karl. Karl Jacobs. I'm a 6'2 scrawny 16 year old. I'm white with brown hair and brown eyes. I paint my nails, usually purple, sometimes black. I wear sweaters with button ups underneath.

Im gay. I've never been interested in a girl before. But I've always felt something for boys. Girls flirt with me and it makes me feel weird, uncomfortable, like i want them to like me but not that much. Boys flirt with me and i feel like I'm on cloud 9, i get butterflies. I've never gotten butterflies with girls before.

I was and raised in New York. No, i don't have some silly voice, i sound like any other American. The week after school ended my mom and dad moved our family to north California. They say it's because dad found a great new job but i think we all know it's because there's better hospitals here.

My mom is nice, but she's not really the type of woman you get along with, she's only really a mom, she's bad with people out side the family. My dad is amazing, he's a great father and a super funny guy, he's very welcoming. My older sister Lisa is definitely an older sister. Lisa taught me how to drive, and she's the only one in the family i Can really open up to. She's 19 she had to quit her job when we moved and is looking for a new one, she's saving up for a house. My little broth colby is like an annoying version of me. Me and him get along great but it's hard to talk about serious things with him. He's only 14 so I don't blame him for being childish, i think he should be a kid for as long as possible, hold onto his childhood. My youngest sister Mia has cancer, she's such a sweet little kid, only 10 years old. They're doing everything they can to safe her a cure the cancer but we're all losing hope.

I've always had a hard time understanding my sexuality but my older sister is always there to listen to me. She's kind of my only friend. I didn't have many friends at my old school, everyone thought i was weird, they would tease me calling me a school shooter and other things like that. I don't want to go to a new school. I'll be the weird new kid with a sick sister. I know that sounds stupid, but I'm serious, i don't want to be the weird new kid.

I'm not out to my family, or to anyone for that matter. The only person who knows my sexuality is my older sister. She's a lesbian. She has a girlfriend but she hasn't told mom and dad yet. We don't know if they're homophobic or not, so we're waiting until Lisa has her own place, so that she can't be kicked out and if I am i have somewhere to go.

I realize that i have an easy life. I'm a tall white male with a middle class family that doesn't abuse me, but, i just hate my life.

I don't like who I am.