Who am I?

Emotions

"Are you okay" he asked holding the side of my face

Am I okay?

"Yeah I think so I'm sorry" I said looking at my hand that was holding his

"I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I should have asked before I did anything!" He apologized

"No it's no your fault! I just don't know if I'm ready for sex" I said trying to reassure him

"No it's perfectly okay! I get it! I used to think I was asexual" he said smiling

Asexual? Maybe that's what it is. I've never really been into porn or smut, maybe that's why. Im asexual. But that doesn't make sense. I want to do this with nick.

"How about we just watch a movie?" Nick said in a gentle voice

"Yeah, okay" I smiled.

He got up and left the room to get us snacks and drinks. He brought them into the room and turned on a movie on his computer monitor. He moved his chair out of the way so that we could see the screen from his bed. We made stupid comments about the movie as we watched. About half way through nick made a comment about how hard it is the see the screen.

"Yeah, we can watch on my phone or something" I said

"Nah I have a better idea" he said standing up and sitting in the desk chair.

"Come here" he smiled

I got and stood in front of him confused. He lightly placed his hands on my waist and pulled me down to his lap. We continued watching the movie.

Does he want me to be into him? Or maybe I'm just another hook up for him. He wants me to be comfortable with him so that he can have sex with me... no he isn't like that.

"Karl you're moving a lot" he whispered into my ear snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Shit sorry" I said as I moved a little more to get comfortable, I stopped moving once I was comfortable.

Throughout the last 20 or so minutes of the movie nick moved around and grunted a lot. When the movie ended I yawned a bit.

"You tired?" He asked

"Yeah I should probably head home" I said standing up.

He quickly stood up when I did and hugged me.

"Thanks for inviting me over" I said hugging him back.

"Of course" he said quietly

"And sorry for freaking out earlier, I kinda ruined what we had going" I said as we pulled away from the hug

"No it's okay I completely understand, sex it's for everyone" he said smiling at me

"But I do want to have sex with you! I.. just don't want you seeing my body" I said

"Why?" He said tilting his head a little, I didn't know people did that in real life.

"I- look ugly. I'm ugly without any clothes on." I said quietly

"But you look beautiful to me" he said moving hair out of my face

"No, I look like a whale, I'm horrible" I said looking away from him.

I hated the way I look, I've never liked my body. I wanted to throw up anything I see it.

"Karl.." nick said quietly.

I looked at him tears welling up in my eyes. He held the side of my face and looked at me. He kissed me lightly on the lips.

"We don't have to move fast, we can take time." He said gently.

"Yeah, let's move slowly" I said kissing him.

I left his house and drove home. When I walked in the door it looked like no one was home. I went to my room and got jump scared by Lisa sitting on my bed.

"Why are you on my bed Lisa?" I said walking into the room.

"I was waiting for you to get home to tell you the news" she said standing

"What news?" I questioned her

"Me and Jana saved up enough to get the apartment" she smiled

"Oh shit! Really?" I said excited

"Yeah we can finally come out to mom and dad" she said happily

"Actually, I don't want to tell them. Not yet" I said looking at my hands and back up at Lisa

"Why?" She asked confused

"I need to think about things. I think I'm asexual" I said sitting down on the bed

"Okay, we can wait until you're ready" she said leaving the room.

I laid in the bed just staring at the ceiling thinking.

I want to see nick naked. I want him to see me naked. But anytime I think about taking my shirt off in front of him I'm worried he'll think I'm some disgusting pig. I know that im over reacting but I can't help it.

I fell asleep and woke up to the sound of my phone ringing loudly. I looked at the screen and saw that mom was calling me. I answered it hoping to here good news about Mia.

"Hey mom. How's Mia?" I asked

"She's doing okay, they have to keep her in the hospital for awhile though" she said somewhat quietly.

"When do they think she can come home?" I asked sitting up

"They want to have her in here for about a month, they don't know if she'll last a month." She said in a shakey voice.

"Shit okay, I can drive over there with Lisa if you want" I said standing up

"What about your brother?" Mom asked

"I havent seen him ever since I dropped him off Friday, he's been hanging out with his friends almost every day." I said pulling on my shirt

"Well call him and pick him up from where ever he is, I want everyone visiting Mia" mom said sternly

"Okay, we'll be there soon. Love you mom" I hung up the phone and pulled on a sweater that was laying on the floor.

I grabbed some pants and shoved on my shoes before bursting into Lisa's room. She and Jana were packing stuff together, they both jumped in fright when I loudly slammed the door open.

"Jesus Karl I almost shit myself" Jana said glaring at me.

"Sorry. Lisa we need to get colby from his friends house and go to the hospital" I said

"Why? Is Mia okay?" Lisa asked

"They say she's going to be there for a month but they don't know if she'll make it through the month" I said watching her face drop from confusion to fear

"Okay, you call colby we'll put on shoes and meet you at the car" Jana said grabbing hers and Lisa's shoes

I left the room and called my brother.

"What do you want Karl?" He said answering the phone

"Where are you we need to go to the hospital" I said

"What is Mia okay?!" He said loudly, I could hear his friends in the background asking if everything's okay

"She's okay right now but mom wants all of us there" I said grabbing a monster from the fridge and walking to the door.

"Okay I'm at that corner store where we get our food in the morning" colby said

"Alright we'll be there in like ten minutes" I said hanging up and walking out the door.