Who am I?

Help

"I think I'm trans"

"What?!" I yelled excitedly

"Yeah I mean I hate looking at male parts.. and sometimes I imagine myself as a girl" he shrugged

"So you want me to call you a girl? Do you have a name you prefer?" I asked him

"No uh, i think im just gender queer. Like I like being called a boy and masculine things and the label gay fits me, but, sometimes I wish I had a girls body. I don't know"

"Hey man, I'm here for you no matter what okay? You'll still be the fat sibling in my heart" we both laughed

"Are you coming home?" He asked when we stopped laughing

"Yeah I'll come home. But the second anyone starts bitchin at me I'm out" I smiled at him

"Oh you're going to hear a whole presentation on what you did wrong" he said standing up

"Wait what?"

When we got home mom and dad were no where to be seen. Me and colby went to my room and started talking about the "drama" going on in our life.

"Wait so you've had sex with two guys?" He asked surprised

"Yeah" I giggled

"Jesus Karl! Gross!" He giggled

We gossiped like 13 year old girls at a sleep over. Once both of us were fully caught up in each others drama we raided the fridge and and put on a movie. The pile of snacks and drinks were on one end of my bed while we sat on the other. We watched every cringey movie we could find on Netflix and made fun of them. We were watching a movie about a tall girl when I noticed colbys head resting on my shoulder, he had fallen asleep. I checked the time and relized it was the middle of the night so I turned off the movie and fell sleep with colby. When I woke up I noticed mom leaning in the doorway watching me and colby.

I sat up and yawned. I looked to my side where colby was sleeping. I stood up and pulled the blanket to fully cover him. Me and mom stared at each other for a few seconds. I ran a hand through my hair and relized how dirty I was. I walked past my mom to the bathroom and locked the door. I took a long shower. When I got out I dried off and got dressed.

I went to my bedroom and put on some clean clothes. I made sure not to be loud, I didn't want to bother colby. I walked to my living room where mom and dad were sitting. I noticed Lisa and Janna in the kitchen.

"Karl. Come sit down" mom said

"And there's no running this time" my dad said harshly

I sat down on one of the lounge chairs. Mom had tears in her eyes as she looked at me. Lisa and Jana sat down on the couch with my parents.

"We're worried about you son. You don't eat. You've been missing classes. You have scars on yourself. We want to help you. Let us help you" my mom said, her hold on my dads hand getting tighter.

"I'm fine"

"Are you? Because it really doesn't seem like it karl. It feels like we have to go to extreme measures to talk to you" Lisa said

"If it's such a bother to talk to me then don't" I said standing up

"Sit your ass down" Jana said

"No fuck this. I'm fine. I don't need help. I don't need to be talked to. I don't need you guys." I said walking to the door.

"Karl sit down" my dad said loudly.

I froze. Maybe in fear. Maybe I was to upset to function. Maybe my body was shutting down.

"Don't yell at him, he's going through enough" my mom said quietly to my dad

"Karl your friend came here earlier. He told us that you're talking to bad people" Lisa said

Bad people? Wilbur? Were they talking about wilbur? Who would've come here and told them about him? Oh. Nick.

"Just let us try to give you that help you need" Jana said standing up

"I don't need any help Jana. I'm fine"

"You're self harming, you have an eating disorder, you sleep for over twelve hours every time you sleep. You need to talk to someone" Lisa said

"And I have people I can talk to! I have Wilbur! I have Nikki! I have Alex! I have clay! I don't have a family that acts like a family! Lisa is leaving, colbys hiding from everyone, and I bet mom and dad didn't notice what's wrong with colby because they're horrible! You only care about Mia but she's dead now so you're trying to pretend I'm her! I'm not broken. I'm not sick" I yelled at them.

"Don't talk about your sisters death" my dad said angry

"Someone has to! Colby is refusing to except it, it seems like Lisa and Jana don't care, mom is over reacting and being a huge baby! The only person who's being fucking realistic about her is me! I know she's dead. I know she doesn't want us crying about. I know that life moves the fuck on. So stop crying about it"

"What the fuck is wrong with you karl?" Lisa said quietly

"According to you? Everything." I left the house slamming the door behind me. I walked to Wilbur's house and sat on his front step waiting for school to get out.

Around 3:30 Wilbur finally came home. I stood up when I saw him.

"Karl? What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked as he grabbed me

One hand held my waist while the other held the the side of my face.

"I wish I was dead" I said tears running down my face "I can't handle it anymore"

He pulled me into a hug. I sobbed into the crook of his neck while he whispered to me.

"It's okay karl. I'm here for you. You're okay"

He brought me inside and had me sit on the couch while he made tea. I stared at the decore of his living room. My body started shaking as I thought about what had happened.

"Okay. Tell me what happened" Wil said as he handed me a mug of tea.

I explained everything that happened earlier that day. Wilbur listened, he never broke eye contact. When I finished telling him what happened he pulled me into a gentle hug.

"I know it's hard Karl. It's so hard but you have to let them in. You have to let them help you" he said quietly while playing with a piece of my hair

"I cant. I cant do it wilbur" i said crying into his chest. "I cant do this anymore"

"I know sweetheart"