Who am I?

Fear

I walked into the hospital feeling the nosies, tasting the smells, hearing the sights. A million thoughts rushed through my head. Colby was reluctant to come into the hospital but he also obviously wanted to see Mia. Lisa and Jana where calm but had obviously stopped trying to hide their relationship. I felt like I was dying, nothing felt how it was supposed to. Everything I did was a blur, I couldn't focus on anything.

When I blurred back into the real world Lisa was pulling my by the wrist through the hospital. Colby was behind us texting someone, Jana was next to Lisa talking to her about something but I couldn't understand what they were saying. I felt weird. I felt wrong.

We went to Mias hospital room. The lights were so bright on her pale skin. A million machines were connected to her. She was staring at the roof. Lisa ran to her side and hugged her, Colby slowly walked to our mom and started talking to her, Jana was greeted by our dad who thought that she was just a friend. I stood in the doorway unable to move. This isn't a new sight, I've seen Mia like this a million times before, but, this time is different. I can see that she's dying.

I can see that she's in pain.

I could feel my breath start to pick up and getting heavy. My vision was shaky. I directed my eyes to my hands, they were shaking. I was shaking.

This moment feels like one that you see in a tv show or a book, it feels over dramatsized.

Mia's hugging Lisa back but staring at me.

"Thank you Karl" are the Words she whispers.

I couldn't hear her but I understood her.

Why.

Why me?

Why is she thanking me?

Why does she believe that I deserve her thanks.

"You're welcome" I whisper back

She smiles. Only a little. Lisa let's go of her and looks at me. Her face changes expression. Relief that her only sister is okay, to panic knowing that her little brother isn't okay.

I took a step back. I don't want to be here. I want to be alone, but I need to be with someone.

I need Nick.

"Karl wait, are you okay?" Lisa says making everyone in the room stop their conversation and look at me.

"Karl you're pale" my mom says taking a step closer to me

"What wrong with you?" Colby asked

I rush out the room. Away from the hospital. Away from my dying sister.

I get an Uber and go to nicks house. I knock loudly and harshly. He answered the door looking annoyed but immediately changed his expression when he saw me, it went from a smile to a frown.

"Karl whats going on you look terrible" he said letting me in

I don't want him to know that I'm a mess. I don't want him to know about my pathetic life. I don't want him to know that I left my dying sister.

"I was going to stay in the hospital but I couldnt" I said looking down not thinking about my words

"Hospital? Did you get hurt? What happened?" He said grabbing my shoulders.

"I'm fine, I don't wanna talk about it" I said trying to ignore how hard he was squeezing my arms.

He let go of me while sighing

"You remember my friends clay, George, and Alex? I have them over, they're in my room right now. Do you want to meet them?" He said looking in the direction of his room

"Yeah okay" I said looking at his room

We went into his room. When we walked in I saw the three he had told me so much about.

Clay was 6'3. His hair was a light brown and curly, it framed his face nicely though it looked like he hadn't had a hair cut in a few months. His outfit was pretty basic. A black t-shirt with the arctic monkeys album AM cover on the front. A list of all the songs on the back. His bottoms were plain black basketball shorts. He had purple vans on with solid white ankle socks.

George was 5'9. His hair was dark brown almost black, it looked freshly cut. He had a dark blue almost black hoodie on, it had the numbers 404 printed on the left sleeve. A list of dates on the back. His pants were black, his keys hooked to one of the pants loop. He had black converse on with socks that were covered.

Alex was 5'8. His black hair was a few inches long and covered up with a beanie. He had a white shirt with a poorly printed image of shrek on it. He had black pants on. His shoes were white I couldn't tell what brand they were but they looked somewhat like Nike.

Clay and George were laying on the bed together, clays arm was around George. Alex was sitting at the desk chair talking to clay and George.

The three of them went quiet when me and nick walked into the room. Clay raised an eyebrow and looked me up and down.

"Guys, this is Karl" nick said

"Hi I'm clay"

"I'm Alex it's nice to meet you"

"I'm George"

"It's nice to finally meet all of you guys" I said smiling at them

"Oh nicks talked about us?" Clay giggled

"Definitely, he told me so much about you clay" I giggled

"Oh really? I didn't know you were obsessed with my boyfriend Nick" George said standing up

"Boyfriend?" I said not even thinking

"Oh are you homophobic?" Clay said a little harshly while also getting up

"Oh he's definitely not homophobic" nick said

"Oh? Have you two been hooking up?" Alex said with a mischievous smile

"Uh" I didn't know how to respond

"Oh definitely not! We've never heard of him" clay said

He doesn't talk about me?

"Yeah and nick would definitely tell us about someone he's seeing" George said looking me up and down

"How did you guys meet?" Clay questioned

"Okay! Everyone shut up." Nick said loudly "Karl is it okay if you step out for a minute? I need to talk to these nimrods" nick smiled gently at me.

I left the room and stood outside the door. Nick slammed it. I stood there able to hear everything