Happily Ever After - A Chenford Story

Hard day. - Chapter 14

A/N This chapters gonna have SH and that stuff and I can't be bothered to put TW before every other sentence so this is your TW SH, Gore and more heavy stuff. Also this chapter is about 2 months after last chapter.

Lucy's POV
I don't know why but recently I've been thinking more about Self-Harm, It almost feels like if someone flicks me I'll go back to it. It's weird because Tim and Demi are great and everything has been fine, It's so fucking confusing. I haven't told anyone because I keep convincing myself that I'll be ok. I snap out of my deep thoughts to Tim putting his hand on my shoulder, I jump at the sudden touch.
"Woah calm down Luce it's just me." Tim tells me as he gives me a kiss.
"Mhm, I should go now Demi needs to be dropped off at daycare." I quickly say before Tim can ask questions. Today is one of the days our shifts end at a different time, Tim finishes at around 9 and I finish at 6. I grab Demi and her things and we head out the door to my car. I drive Demi to daycare and drop her off and then drive over to the station. When I arrive I go to role call because Grey has asked me to. 
"Also Chen you will ride with Thorson today." Grey says at the end, That's why he needed me in role call.

It's 40 minutes until end of shift and we get called into a shots fired call, after the shoot out was done I try to help the victim but he dies right under me. Usually this wouldn't affect me but today it really did. We head back to the station and I give the paperwork to Aaron and head home with Demi. I feed, bathe and get Demi ready for bed and once I put her down I have nothing to do so I sit on the couch and watch some TV with Kojo. It's now now 8:45PM and I'm hungry so I get up for a snack, I grab a plate but drop it. I flinch as it breaks all over the ground, I drop to my knees and hope it doesn't wake Demi. Thankfully it doesn't, I look at the shattered bits of plate and start to cry. I think to myself that maybe if I had been quicker driving to the shoot out maybe the victim would still be alive. As I overthink everything I don't even think and pick up a bit of the shattered plate and bring it to my skin. I push it into my skin and slice my arm as I sob on the kitchen floor.

Tim's POV
I pull into Lucy and I's driveway excited to see Demi and Lucy after a long day. I unlock the door and turn a corner to see Lucy on the floor of the kitchen crying with a piece of shattered plate in her hand about to cut her arm. Shit, Shit, Shit. I run over to her and grab it out of her hand and drop it back down causing her to look up at me with teary eyes. I grab her arm and see blood dripping down it.
"Luce, what happened? You should have called me." I say with tears in my eyes. She just looks at me with pained eyes.
"Come on let's clean you up gorgeous girl." I tell her. I grab her shaking hands and pull her up. I lead her to the couch and point for her to sit I then go to the bathroom and get the first aid kit. I come back and sit in front of her and clean her up and bandage her small arm.
"Are you mad?" She asks suddenly.
"No baby never. I'm just sad you didn't call me before this all happened I would have came home." I say as I kiss her forehead.
"I'm sorry." She says plainly as she let's more tears fall from her adorable brown eyes. I get up and sit next to her on the couch and pull her in for a hug. Lucy buries her face in my chest as she cries more. I just hold her in my arms and let her cry. 

Lucy's POV
I can't believe myself, I thought I was better. What if I go back to cutting? My train of over thinking is cut off by Tim's special soft voice.
"Luce can you tell me what happened?" He asks and lifts my chin so he can see my face, he then wipes my tears with his shirt sleeve.
"I.. uhm. Yeah." I stutter. Lucy calm down it's Tim. I breathe in and out to calm myself. 
"At work someone was shot, usually I wouldn't let it bother me but recently I have been.." I pause trying to tell Tim without telling him because I feel so much shame.
"Been feeling like you want to cut?" He asks with tears in his eyes forming again. I just nod.
"Luce, Why didn't you tell me?" He asks as he lets a few tears drip down his cheeks. I can't bring myself to talk so I just hug Tim tightly.
"Would you like to go back to therapy? You can if you would like, but if not you have to promise to call me before it get's this far again." Tim asks after a bit.
"I'll call you I promise." I tell him.
"Ok, I mean it. Even if it crosses your mind you have to call and I will come come and hold you until you are ok again." He tells me as he cries into my hair.
"I will I promise." I assure him.
"Good." He tells me as he kisses my head.
"I should take a picture of you crying just to prove to the station you have feelings after all!" I joke.
"Don't you even dare." He smiles through his wet face. But it's too late I already have my phone out and am taking pictures.
"You know if you send them you will have to explain why I'm crying." Tim warns me. I roll my eyes.
"I know that's why I made it my lock screen!" I say as I show him my new lock screen as I smile.
"Ugh whatever, Come on lets go clean up the plate so we can cuddle." He says as he gets off the couch and pulls me up with him. As we clean up he watches me like a hawk.
"I'm not going to I promise." I say as I pick up the pieces of plate.
"I know. But still." He says as he grabs the last piece of the broken plate from the ground and threw it in the bin.
"Thank you Tim." I tell him as we stay seated on the ground of the kitchen. 
"It's ok Luce. I love you so much." He tells me as he leans over to me to and gives me a kiss.
"Can we cuddle now?" I whine.
"Yes, come on." Tim says and helps me off the floor. We head to bed and cuddle up together.