PARTNERS IN CRIME - JAKE PERALTA

Captain Vulture

Since Holt's transfer to Public Affairs - courtesy of Wuntch - things have not quite been at their best in the Nine-Nine.

Their arrest numbers took a dive, the printer had burst into flames in what Valerie described as 'a protest against Holt's demotion', and, most dramatically of all, Valerie and Jake had straight up killed a person.

The 'partners in crime' nickname had been entirely fulfilled as Dozerman's heart gave out right before their very eyes, not taking kindly to Valerie and Jake's newly developed workplace romance (not taking kindly being resorting to an early grave).

This ultimately resulted in disclosing their relationship to the whole squad. Although, Valerie knew it would come out sooner or later, considering Boyle looked blue in the face every time herself and Jake were within mere feet of each other.

But their admittance wasn't nearly as dramatic as Valerie had first thought.

"Yeah, we know."

Jake and Valerie shared a look, "What?"

"You guys weren't exactly subtle about it." Rosa remarked.

"Jake has literally been making googly eyes at Valerie for years." Gina added.

Jake scoffed unconvincingly while Valerie was quick to respond, "Okay, you heteronorms. Can't a man and a woman have an affectionate platonic relationship without it being romantic?"

Jake turned to Valerie, speaking quietly, "Uh, Val. Us actually having a romantic relationship sort of undermines your point here."

"Yeah... my point still stands!"

And that was how the squad found themselves in the morning briefing, clad in their formal attire, with their new Captain.

None other than The Vulture.

"Okay, squad, the funeral's at three o'clock, followed by a reception at Shaw's bar. I want you all on your best behaviour." Terry spoke from behind the podium.

 "Yeah, and all eyes are gonna be on us because Frick and Frack here killed Captain Dozerman." The Vulture remarked, gesturing to Valerie and Jake.

"Hey, we accidentally startled a man with a genetic heart condition. If you really think about it, his parents killed him." Jake defended.

"All right, whatever. Look, there's a horse race going off in Dubai. I got serious money on it. Dismissed!"

"Oh, yeah, we should all check out that race." Jake played along until the door was closed, "God. He is the worst captain we've ever had. He drew boobies on my bulletproof vest."

Rosa grimaced, "He stared at me for 90 seconds while he ate an entire peach."

Amy crossed her arms, "He heard that I speak Spanish, and he made me fire his housekeeper. She was Polish."

"He called me into his office for an hour the other day to show me pictures from his fourth of July parties so he can remind me I, quote, don't have power here anymore, unquote."

"Is that why he was quizzing you on the amendments?" Amy questioned, Valerie nodding in despair.

"At least he doesn't practice his crane kicks with you." Charles frowned while Valerie patted him on the shoulder. "He said I moved, I didn't move! If only you guys had just kept it in your pants." Charles finished with a defeated tone.

"Then we'd still be under the Dozer-dictatorship." Valerie defended.

"Come on, guys. Have some respect, the man's dead." Terry spoke up.