"For you."
Valerie looked up from her coffee to see that Charles had placed a card onto her desk, displaying the letters 'STD' atop.
"What are these?"
"These, madame, are STDs." Charles spoke with oblivious confidence, a wide smile on his face.
"What are you talking about, buddy?" Jake spoke up from behind him.
Charles pivoted, looking at Jake as if he were speaking in an entirely different language, "STDs. Save the dates. For Vivian and my wedding!"
"Ah, yes. Just out of curiosity, how many people have you given STDs to?"
"Lots. Like 100."
Valerie let out a quiet laugh, alike to the rest of the team.
Charles spun in a circle, a frown etched onto his features, "What's so funny? Uh—Oh, okay. I get it. STD has another meaning. You're gross. No one else is gonna think that."
Valerie rose her eyebrows, laughing as she spoke, "Literally everyone is going to think that."
"But it's sweet that your mind didn't go there." Amy was quick to chip in.
"Thank you. It is kinda sweet."
Amy leant forward in her seat, "Will your first dance be to You Give Me Fever?"
"Will you be serving crabs at the reception?"
"Do you have Herpes?" Gina spoke from the corner of the room.
"Guy, this is my wedding. This is important to me. No more jokes."
"You're right, and we're sorry. We love you, buddy. Warts and all. Sorry, I made a rash decision. I was itching to say it. Okay, I'm done."
As the laughter died down Hitchcock appeared behind Jake and Terry, "I have an STD."
Silence filled the room for a few moments, Valerie's eyes narrowed, lips pursed, as she looked at the detective.
"So, just RSVP, or—"
"Yeah, the number's right on there."
————————
"Great news, I've figured out my persona for this year's tactical village. Introducing Rex Buckingham. British secret agent, Ballistics expert, and-" Jake turned back to look at Valerie, eyebrow raised, "-ladies' man."
"You wish."
"Yeah, because what woman doesn't love a guy who's super into make believe." Amy spoke up from beside Valerie.
"This whole training simulation is make-believe. We shoot paint at fake bad guys. It's called acting. Tell me how I'm any different than George Clooney."
Amy tilted her head to the side, "He has a sexy voice."
"I have a sexy voice. Champagne. Mountain range. Hugs."
"Mountain Range?"
"Hugs?"
Jake shrugged, "I couldn't think of anything sexy to say."
YOU ARE READING
PARTNERS IN CRIME - JAKE PERALTA
Fanfictionseason 1 ☑ season 2 ☑ season 3 (currently writing) Valerie has been at the Nine-Nine for years, working alongside Jake Peralta. The two were joined at the hip, partners in crime - she had always seen him as a colleague and a good friend. But after y...
