PARTNERS IN CRIME - JAKE PERALTA

Oolong Time

"Alright, ladies, I don't got a whole lot of time here, so what do you say we make like Boyle's mom and you debrief me?"

Valerie and Amy shared a grimace as Charles spoke up from behind them.

"Didn't happen, and I should know. She tells me everything."

"Yeah, not everything, Chucky. She took off my undies." The Vulture's focus swiftly shifted over to Jake, "Hey, Peralta. What is that?"

"This? Oh, nothing. Just an open-and-shut case." Jake brushed off unsuccessfully as the captain continued.

"Well, it looks like a pretty fat file for a dunker. What is it?"

"Just some old lady has a missing... torso that we can't find." Jake trailed off towards the end, avoiding eye contact as if to appear nonchalant.

"Put it in the major crimes pile."

"But we've already given them all of our felonies." Jake disputed with a dejected tone.

"That's because I got a bet going with the captain of the eight-four to see whose squad can solve the most cases. Winner gets to choose a tattoo for the loser, and guess what I'm getting him."

"Calvin peeing on the Tasmanian Devil?" Jake suggested.

"No, it's supposed to be a bad tattoo. Man, you're really stupid in the morning, aren't you?" The Vulture turns to Valerie, "Does he ask you what year it is every morning when he wakes up beside you?"

"Nope. Instead we make bets on how long you'll last as captain." Valerie remarked with a forced smile, tilting her head. This earnt her a small nudge from Amy but a quiet snort of laughter from Rosa.

The Vulture traipsed over, planting his hands on the desk in front of her as he narrowed his eyes, "Oh, yeah? Well, you're gonna have to suck it up because I'm here to stay." He rips the file from her grasp, the thin folder bending in his grip.

Valerie purses her lips, tone bending in frustration as she exclaimed, "That's literally just a file about a kid getting his skateboard stolen! Do you really think major crimes have time for something like that?"

"Hey! If someone stole my board it'd be major to me. Have a little compassion."

"Captain, we all want you to win that bet, but do you think maybe we could keep a few real cases?" Terry attempted to mediate.

"Look, I'm gonna make it real simple for you. We only solve misdemeanors, wieners. Say it."

Sounding far from elated, the squad echoed his words with little vigor, "We only solve misdemeanors..." The Vulture silently observed the group with an expectant look until they finished with, "Wieners."

"Congratulations. You just called yourselves wieners." He made his way towards the door, "Dismissed."

The squad gradually dispersed, Valerie just having left the briefing room when the Sargent called out, "Marks."

Valerie turned, watching as Terry came to a stop before her, "Everything alright in Terry-land?" 

"Everything is always fantastic in Terry-Land." He pursed his lips, his amusement fading as he continued, "Marks, you need to stop talking back."

Valerie paused for a moment, gaze dotting aimlessly, "But I think I'll literally explode. Besides sometimes my insults just go right over his head, honestly those are always the funniest..." She trailed off as she noticed the look he was giving her. "Less digs at the Captain. Got it."