The Scent of an Orris

Chapter 17

"Gusto niyo bang malaman yung texture ng balls ng mga lalake?" Tanong ni Tracy habang naglalakad kami papuntang class room, hinintay ko talaga sila sa parking  para sabay-sabay kaming pumasok

"Kadiri ka, bunganga mo talaga Tracy" sabi ko sa kanya, kung ano-ano kasing sinasabi niya. Nahahawa tuloy ako minsan sa walang preno niyang bibig

"Straight your hands Ally" sinunod naman ni Ally ang sinasabi niya "Hawakan mo to" pinahawakan naman ni Tracy ang likod na siko ni Ally "Ayan ganyan ang texture ng mga bayag ng lalake"

"Ayokong magmura Tracy, huwag mo kaming hawaan ni Ally sa berde mong utak" sabi ko lang sa kanya at nagroll eyes at tumawa lang siya. Si Ally naman ay nagpipigil ng tawa at hindi ko alam kung kanino siya natawa kung sa akin ba o kay Tracy

"May practicum daw tayo sa PE sa Thursday, odiba volleyball yon. Balls Balls" sabi ulit ni Tracy, ayaw talagang tumigil ng bibig niya ngayon "Heto naman joke lang yon Louize, kanina kapa kasi nakabusangot kaya gusto lang namin ni Ally na magsmile ka" paano ba ako ngingiti ngayong araw knowing na yung iniiwasan kong tao ay first subject namin

Ilang oras lang yung tulog ko, my thoughts have been consumed by a particular paper that I discovered in my bag and it has triggered a series of conflicting emotions and thoughts on how I should handle the situation.

Gusto ko huwag pansinin yung mga life goals niya at may part sa akin na I want to help her to achieve them. Kaya hindi ako makatulog dahil nagtatalo ang utak ko, gusto ko siyang makita pero gusto ko ring gawin ang tama which is yung iwasan ko siya. 

Complicating matters further is the fact that she is not just anyone, but my professor. This adds another layer of complexity to the situation. I am constantly reminding myself that she has a family and that she's straight. These reminders serve as a reality check, urging me to tread carefully and respect the boundaries that exist.

"Medyo puyat lang, ginawa ko kasi yung mga plates sa ibang subject" paliwanag ko naman sa kanila. Hindi ko maiwasang magsmile sa dalawa knowing na trying hard silang pangitiin ako

"Hayaan mo kung may problema ka nandito lang ako palagi para dumagdag sa mga problema mo" yakap ni Tracy at natawa nalang ako sa kanya.

This time, I suggested that we change our seating arrangement and sit at the back of the classroom. It was a small attempt to create some distance between her and me, even though I knew deep down that it wouldn't completely shield me from her presence. But perhaps, being at the back would provide me with a bit of respite and lessen the intensity of my exposure to her.

"Good morning, students. I have already checked your papers. Now, let's recognize the highest scorers for both the pre-quiz and post-quiz" huwag kang titingin sa kanya Louize

"For post quiz, Castro, Leofonzo" Our professor announced, and Jayson stood up with a proud smile on his face. I had no choice but to follow and rise from my seat, trying my best to avoid making eye contact with anyone, especially her. I kept my gaze fixed on the whiteboard, determined not to let my eyes wander towards her 

"And next, for the pre-quiz, we have Leofonzo." I quickly looked at their faces and felt grateful for their support and encouragement. It was a brief moment of comfort, where I could concentrate on the positive vibes from my friends instead of the struggles I was going through inside.

Huwag kang titingin sa kanya

I took my seat, I swiftly grabbed my binder and began organizing my notes, determined to keep myself occupied and avoid any unnecessary distractions. I refused to let my gaze wander towards her, reminding myself of the decision to distance myself.