The Scent of an Orris

Prologue

"Oh" I gasped, my breath catching in my throat as my eyes fell upon the glimmering ring encircling her finger.

It felt as if a thousand emotions curse through me all at once, surprise, longing, and a tinge of heartache.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, her voice laced with a remorse and vulnerability. She couldn't bring herself to meet my gaze, as if the weight of her decision weighed heavily upon her.

The whole event had been livestreamed for everyone to see, leaving her feeling exposed while leaving me vulnerable

In that moment, a strong desire to cry and an earnest prayer that she wouldn't say that sweet "yes" to the person kneeling before her. I silently pleaded, desperately praying that she would choose a different path, sparing me the inevitable pain.

Amidst my conflicting emotions, I couldn't understand why I still chose to see her, knowing that it would bring me pain.

This day had been marked on my calendar with eager anticipation, not only for the long-awaited reunion, but also for the promised surprise she had tantalizingly dangled before me.

"Is this the surprise you were talking about?"

The air crackled with uncertainty as I awaited her response, hoping against hope that my assumptions were wrong.

"Please, tell me this isn't real" my words filled with a desperate plea for her to deny what I was witnessing.

Her gaze met mine, filled with a complex array of emotions. I observed the way her hands interlocked tightly, as if seeking solace and strength within herself.

A deep breath escaped her lips, carrying with it a sense of contemplation and the weight of unspoken words.

"This is my reality" she said, meeting my gaze briefly before quickly averting her eyes

Wala akong makitang emosyon sa kanya

I searched her face, desperately trying to discern any trace of emotion, but it was as if a veil had been drawn over her true feelings. The absence of visible emotion only intensified my confusion and left me yearning for a deeper understanding.

"It hurts so much" I told her, in that moment, I could feel the warmth of tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to spill over and betray the depth of my feelings

"Don't cry" she pleaded, locking her gaze with mine. "Please, don't cry." Her touch was gentle as she held my cheeks, wiping away the tears that cascaded down my face. Her eyes bore into mine, seeking solace and connection amidst the overwhelming sadness that enveloped us.

I could see that tears were welling up in her eyes as well

"You're heartless"  I gently removed her hand from my cheek, feeling a surge of anger coursing through me

"Are you happy?" I asked, my voice trembling with  an anger and desperation. "Is it satisfying for you to play with my feelings? Is it?"

A laugh escaped her lips, mingling with the tears that cascaded down her face, as if caught in a tumultuous whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

"I enjoy seeing you in pain," she said with a smile, revealing the ring on her hand. "You were never part of my plans in life."

"You're lying," I whispered weakly, but she only smiled in response

Deep within, I knew she was deceiving herself and me. I knew she was lying. I knew she didn't want things to turn out this way, and I knew she's in pain too.

"This is the real me, a side I haven't shown you yet" she said, her smile still present, but a glimmer of vulnerability shining through her eyes

She's lying

"You're lying, you're lying" paulit-ulit kong sabi sa kanya pero tumawa lang siya

It seemed she was right. I had yet to witness this side of her, hidden beneath the surface all along.

"Poor you, how gullible you are to believe my words. You're so stupid" she said, her laughter strained, as if she were desperately trying to hold back tears.

I knew she was fighting back the urge to cry, I knew she was lying, and deep down, I knew that she loves me.

Alam ko at nararamdaman ko na mahal niya ako

"I don't believe you" I said to her, my voice filled with a mix of disbelief and determination.

I pulled her into a tight embrace, feeling the subtle quiver in her breath. It was evident that she was trying to hold back her tears, attempting to shield herself from vulnerability.

"Stay away from me" she pushed me away, her voice trembling with fear and desperation. But I couldn't let her go. I closed the distance between us, gently cupping her face in my hands.

"I know you didn't choose this, I know you're hurting" I whispered, my voice filled with empathy and understanding.

I could feel the weight of her pain, and it resonated within me.

"Stop" attempting to remove my hands from her cheeks, but I remained steadfast, refusing to back down.

"I know you're lying, I know you said those things because you wanted to push me away. But I won't let you go" I said, determined to break through her defenses and show her that I understood her pain.

"Please stop" nakikiusap na sabi niya

I understood that she, too, was grappling with her own pain, her own fears and insecurities. Despite her attempts to distance herself, I could sense the turmoil brewing within her, the battle between her heart and her mind.

"Tell me, you don't love me" I whispered, as I locked eyes with her, searching for any sign of reassurance and my voice trembling with fear and desperation

"Sorry" she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

The word hung in the air, leaving a void within me, a void I desperately wanted to fill with the truth.

"Please tell me you don't love me" This time, I closed my eyes, trying to shut out the world and focus solely on the sensations around me. I could feel the warmth of her breath against my face, and my heart raced, pounding in my chest.

"I'm pregnant"