How does it feel? To have such a big head.
I gassed you up like the helium in a balloon, your head flying away and soaring to every other place forgetting the source you got that strength from.
That confidence.
I made your head so big that you felt you no longer needed my company, treating me as if I'm less than anything you are and could ever be when I'm the reason you even got that feeling.
I praised you entirely too much and now you expect me to sit here and worship you on my knees, boy please.
Honestly.
The amount of energy I gave you should be criminal, the way you turned your back the minute you witnessed all you had and everything I lacked, is just cruel.
I'd uplifted you with everything just to shadow who you really are and all the pain you bring.
Praising your communication because at your big age you can hardly explain what you're feeling, so any little line or sentence was like a milestone in our relation.
Admiring your persistence just because you mentioned taking me out and quickly responded to a message.
Unlike the previous times when I had to always plan and bring up an idea for you to possibly take up at hand.
Or the times I held my phone in hand, hours passing me by messages as dry as sand awaiting for you to respond to my emotional stance.
What a man I made you out to be.
Stuck in your fifteen year old body, mentally you're still there, not knowing what you want and not caring about who does truly care.
Or maybe these tendencies stem from when you were three, your mother and father were too busy arguing to acknowledge any good thing you'd done, so when I did it, you took it and began to run.
Run away from my affection and neglect my compassion until you needed a re-up.
When the world had beaten you until you had none, you came running back to me for everything to build you up as high as the sun.
So, though I say these words..
It doesn't take away from the few good things we've seen while connecting.. but don't forget to applaud me as well for my gassing.
- LaDonna
7/6/2023
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𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭
PoetryA collection of poems and thoughts of a young black woman, growing, learning and understanding herself as she faces many trials and tribulations on her mission in finding true happiness and love.
