𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭

Entirely

It is almost detrimental how quickly I can disassociate myself from the rest of the world.

Maybe it is the most hurtful and harmful.. to others and myself.

I will never be brave enough to tell my full truth.

So instead, I run.

I thought I'd stopped trying to escape and I thought I'd made a safe space for me and all of my worry's, but I'd only continued running.

Just in disguise.

Hiding in plain sight.

It's so much easier to pretend, but with some people.. I'd rather not.

My emotions unravel like a worn knot and before the truth can spill out of me, I leave without another thought.

Unclean.

Dirt covering the deceit within me.

Unworthy.

Past mistakes and present consequences, my cries fall onto deaf ears and my loneliness is accompanied with a lack of understanding.

It is almost detrimental.
How heavy my heart grows in going about completing the task of every day things.

I see my beauty.

Internally and physically.

I know I am capable of achieving and being all that I want to be, even if it seems as if it'll never be within arms reach.

I will always fight for me.
no matter what that may look like.

If it is not me that shows up when I am caught between a rock and a hard place, then I am as good as stuck.

I don't see it as just my luck that I am not entirely seen.

Sometimes I am grateful for the opportunity to only be a leaf, on such a grand tree.

Other times I wish people took more notice to me, just like the wind is taken no account for as if rustles the leaves.

It is indeed detrimental and sometimes scary how my mind only focuses on the simpler things.

Society makes me believe it is such a crime to not strive for something beyond my mental capacity.

I've found comfort in small dreams.

Comfort in reading in between the lines of my own thinking.

How I wish someone other than myself saw such worthiness in looking deeper than my surface.

To look behind the crookedness of my smile and eyeing me until all of my insecurities are so vivid, they show without the possibility of missing.

Love me entirely,
or leave me be.

A wish of mine,
that will never receive any command.

I am sorry to not only the person I'd called myself in love with and the feelings being reciprocated, but I grant my most deepest apologies,

to me.

- LaDonna
"Long time, no write.
It literally feels like it's been forever, and going back to the basics of my natural emotional release feels good. As always, I thank you for reading."
4/5/2024