𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭

"No"

The white woman told me no.

She stared into my tired eyes with her privileged and highly educated mind and told me that there was no way out of this struggle but to go through it.

Mouthing the word "quit" she didn't take anything I'd spoken to her seriously.

My "No" was drowned by the fake smile she wore, trying to convince me that there was no actual mental war and that the only battle I'm facing is between me and my amount of trying.

She doesn't know anything.

She thinks she knows me.

and because I suppressed these feelings for so long, she instructed for me to have a seat, confused by this sudden change, I've never commented on this before so my presence in her door is worth questioning.

Disbelieving.

Her words nothing but that, I didn't even bother repeating the fact that I'd said "No" as her fingers rapidly typed over the keyboard of her computer, recording every word I'd spoke as if I was under evaluation due to some endangering situation.

She offered me a snack and some "resolving ideas" to help me through this "rough patch."

She wrapped her arms around my stiffened body, and had the nerve to say she loves me.

She knows nothing about me.

The white woman told me no.

Rushed me off due to something else she has to tend to, threw me in a room with work to do as if I didn't express how tired I was of this.

Said this isn't the end of this conversation, only the beginning as if I wasn't trying to rush towards the ending.

Continued to say things like "do you agree?" and trying to stop my mind from going left by repeating the word "right."

I never thought she has any control over my life.

and yet,
she still told me no.

- LaDonna
9/29/2023