𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭

Earth - Heart

I've held it together all day.

Brushed my pain off with jokes and laughter to keep my composure.. I've been keeping these tears at bay but they kept rising like the waves in the sea.

I have held myself up all day.. knowing that my body couldn't wait for the moment I crumbled to the grown, the moment where I could allow my tough exterior to crack or maybe even break..

I've pretended to be okay.. every day.

So this day is something in the same of others, just waiting until the moment where things change which is also in the same, but the difference being something good happening.

A better outcome than just pain.

No gray.. in my life nor in how I see my current mental state.

My brain usually leaving me in a daze from the fog it causes but not today.. nor yesterday did I allow myself to get lost in it.

Seeing colors like blue, yellow and green allow me to take in different scenes and picture better things.

A world full of lights and vibes that could take over your body and put you at ease. Staring up at the trees and it's colorful leaves that change with the seasons.. just like me...

I hold onto everything including my pain.

Good and bad memories trapped in the root of my brain because without the bad in me there would be nothing to compare the good to.

There would be nothing for you to praise me for.. only things you'd hate and soon deny me for..

Like we do with the world.

I kept my hurt buried until the darkest hour.. now my tears and emotions have passed the phase of sadness and turned sour.. bitterness taking over and soon it'll be anger.

Twenty-four hours full of a brain that piles things on you until it's as high as a tower.

Stepping on my emotions like I walk on concrete, leaving my psychological foot print damaging the functioning of my heart as we do when searching for fossil fuels and oils, digging and drilling the world until we're almost to its core just like my brain does, reminding me of pain countless of times again until it reaches my most important organ.. a blazing ball of fire made that way from past years.

People searching the deepest parts of me not to identify the problem and work on my healing but to destroy me... and supply to their needs.

Global warming.

With every twenty-four hours the earth takes in all it can and people are confused when it brings on a reaction.

Like when I'd had enough of being manipulated and decided that there was no more room for me to continue people pleasing.

I hated the world.. it only supplied people that damaged me but I came to see that they were doing the same to it.. and that I relate more to this planet than I could have ever imagined.

Tomorrow I will not hide my pain.. tomorrow I will not hold myself up with all my strength instead I'll show it by allowing myself to truly and genuinely feel..

That's if the world can stand another twenty-four spinning around the sun as we abuse its land.

That's if my heart can take a few more jabs from my brain.. granting me the chance to make it to that better change...

- LaDonna
7/18/2023