I try to choose my battles wisely, but it seems as if sometimes my mouth opens before my brain has the chance to think about the train reaction I'll be creating.
If I participate in retaliating this will only worsen any situation.
Most days I think before I speak.
My brain triggered by my feelings, sometimes these thoughts are already set in on the wrong things.
Sometimes, before even being greeted I am annoyed and my short responses and angered expressions are misleading.. causing people to think they're the reasoning for my upsetting but really.. it's just my brain replaying triggered feelings from past days.
Being slow to speak sometimes catches up to me in the race of getting your point across and people lash out on me, shouting these hurtful things because of a simple misunderstanding.
Simply because I didn't react, I had to endure that verbal lashing...
These pains that affect the inside of me soon reflect on my physical being.
Not eating.
Constant sleeping.
Hushed crying and plenty of thinking.
I really do try to choose my battles wisely..
but, what do I do when the battle chooses me?
When it hurts so bad that my brain instantly blanks and I feel as if ten thousand hands have grabbed and ripped at my throat catching each and every croak as my eyes grow teary.
When my knees buckle and it feels as if I'm about to stumble not being able to stand.
When I am so afraid of being spoken to because I'm not sure what'll be coming next.
What do I do... when those words sink deep down and within me.. shrinking me and my entire being?
I write poetry.
- LaDonna
7/24/2023
YOU ARE READING
𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭
PoetryA collection of poems and thoughts of a young black woman, growing, learning and understanding herself as she faces many trials and tribulations on her mission in finding true happiness and love.
