BANGIZWE
"Nandi....Nandi... MaKhumalo, Kwenzakalani manje? Yini manje lena?" [what's going on? What's this now?]
I catch her hand and stop her from walking. She refuses to look at me. I look around and decide to use one of their spare rooms so we can talk this out. Once we're in and the door is shut she continues moving away from me.
"Nandi-"
"Kwenzakalani? Really? What's happening is that did not expect you to walk in all lovey dovey with her. You really just couldn't wait to show off your affection towards her?"
"What? I wasn't to display anything. Lulama was nervous on the entire ride to here. She wasn't aware that there would be other people and that's on me because I overlooked her say in the matter. Nandi, do you really believe that I'd just want to hurt you like that?"
She turns away from me. I feel so fucking frustrated right now, fuck.
" Can we just sit for a moment? "I ask already sitting on the bed and she remains standing, facing the other direction" Nandi," my voice comes out harsher than it should and that catches my attention. She finally gives in.
" Thandolwami, I followed your request and I brought Lulama here. When you also requested to have our family here I didn't object, I understood that you need to be surrounded by people who love you and I understood that it would do you good to be in a comfortable space. All these things, Lulama doesn't have right now. She's out of her comfort zone, she knows nobody here but me and she's scared as fuck about meeting you. I was only trying to be her safe space too, to assure her that she's okay and she's safe and now we've both left her out there with strangers. What must happen now thandolwami? Tell me, talk to me... "
She sighs deeply and fiddles with her fingers" You're right, I'm not being fair. It's just... Seeing her with you, I guess it made things real, it opened up this reality that I've been trying to downplay and I won't lie Zwe, it really hurts... Seeing you with another woman hurts. I know I could have handled it better and I know that Lulama is just as confused and nervous about this whole thing... I also know that she's in your life to be your wife too, believe me, I know and understand what that means. It's just not an easy thing to see,"
"Do you believe that I still love you?" I ask wanting to be sure. Nandi has given up finding someone who would only be with her just to be with someone she has to share, this is because of the love between us, I could not stop loving her then and I don't see myself stopping now.
" I do, I know you love me. You've proven it over and over again. I just let my feelings get the better of me and I behaved in a type of way that isn't okay-"
"You showed how you were feeling, you know I'll never fault you for that. All I'm asking is that we try and make today work and after that we try and make this work. If we aren't working on our marriage and family then who will do it for us my love? How will we grow stronger? I get that you misinterpreted my holding her hand. I wasn't showing off anything. I was just being the one person she can lean on, "
As I say this. I realize that I've just failed Lulama in the worst way. Just after I asked her to trust me I went and left her with the very same strangers that she was scared of from the moment I told her. Where the hell is the manual for this because I need it right now.
LULAMA
This was a mistake.
I should have never borrowed him any of my trust because what is this? Why am I even here?
"Lulama, right?" The other lady whose not pregnant says approaching me with a smile.
"Yeah..."
"I'm Khanyisa, this is Bangizwe's little sister Liyana and this is Onalerona... Why don't you sit with us for a while..."
