BANGIZWE
My Sundays are usually chilled but this one has been a busy one. One meeting after another has me feeling exhausted but now that I'm done with the work part of it. It's time to go make things right with Lulama.
I didn't even need to think long and hard about it. I went about this whole thing the wrong way and I see that I have the potential to turn these two women against each other if I don't start being more intentional in my actions. It's true that somethings are going to be hard to implement and accept but those things are necessary. For example, I need to adjust to the idea of having two separate homes and houses. I won't always be in one place but I'll need to divide my time fairly and the sooner they both know and understand that when I'm not with one of them them I'm with the other then that will be a step in the right direction. It will be hard the first few times but I belthat we will settle in, things will fall into place.
I drive over to her place. I don't have a speech ready but instead I'm going to speak from my heart. I'm going to let it all out and admit my wrongs. I'm going to apologize where I should but I'm not leaving here until some serious progress has been made. I owe it to Lulama and I owe it to myself to be honest about what I feel. There really is no shame in polygamy, the shame only comes when one of the women starts being treated like a burden or secret or even a second thought, that is where I spiraled out of control, things did not need to get this far.
I get there and park then I make my way up to her apartment. Only after knocking for a while do I finally get a response and she opens the door.
"You're here?" She asks with a very much surprised tone while she stretches her arms.
"I told you I'd come over,"
"You didn't confirm so I thought you changed your mind," She shrugs, not once showing an emotion "Come on in, just excuse the mess, I has already called it a night," She says leading me into her apartment.
It's only 7 p.m and this is the second time she's been sleeping this early. Well maybe not the second time but it's the second time I find out she's been in bed this early and it's quite worrying.
" Lulama, are you sure you're good?" I ask as she starts fixing her bed.
"Yeah, why?"
"You seem to be sleeping early a lot..."
"Not a lot, just a few days, like today."
"And why is that?"
"I was just bored," She shrugs again.
Another thing I'm realizing is that she's not bothering to look me in the eyes. She's busying herself with everything from fixing her bed to fixing her gown. Her hands are just busy.
"Can you come and sit with me for a moment," when I ask it's only then she eyes me
"What's up?"
"I just want to talk,"
"Oh, okay,"
She does what I'm asking then looks at me to start. My talk with my brother has been ringing in my head a lot and the more I think about it, the more I realize just how unfair I've been to her. And I ask myself how she's never called me out for it, did she just decide that she's okay with how things are or that she was willing to live like this.
"I'm not happy with how things have been between us,"
"What do you mean? I haven't been bothering you,"
"That's the thing,"
"You mean you're not good with the fact that I'm not chasing after you, begging you to look at me?" She seems really confused by this.
