To Keep From Getting Burned (Sitkolson Sequel)

10| Give Me Your Attention.

(A/N: Good bye ovaries, this picture is so just friggin amazing!)

Music: Carnivore (by Starset)

Moving (by Get Scared)

*******************TRIGGER WARNING**********************

*Ryan's POV*

He hates me. It's official, my own boyfriend hates me and i don't even know what i did wrong this time! That's the thing, i didn't do anything wrong, i did everything the way i was supposed to to be a good boyfriend. Well, i admit, the violent shaking i could have done without, but other than that, i did everything correctly. Right?

If anything i should be the angry one. Ricky was the one who tried to kill himself, and i am stuck to clean up the mess he left behind. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind taking care of him, i love it actually, i just wish it wasn't for this situation. Maybe it was the medication making him act dumb. At least i hope it was the medication.

"Please, calm down." I tried to keep my voice from shaking like an earthquake, but that was practically impossible at this point. I hate to admit it, but Ricky scared me when he got like this. When his eyes deepened in color from their lovely baby blue to a dark ferocious blue, it terrified me. The way he looked at me like he loathed me, made me want to just curl up and die. But no, i had to stay strong for him... for us.

He refused to talk to me after that. It felt like an eternity as we sat there in the claustrophobic hospital room. The only one's who spoke, in the what i assumed was an hour, were Ghost and Chris. And they only talked to eachother. Ricky was practically mute, and i was too scared to talk, in fear that he would yell at me again. Why was he so mad at me? The anger that radiated from him was practically palpable.

Thankfully A nurse walked in maybe about ten minutes later with a tray of food and drinks for everyone, because i had a feeling that Ghost and Chris were running out of things to talk about. "Your food, Mr. Olson." She set the tray that she was balancing nimbly in her hands onto a pullout tray that rested over the hospital bed. "The doctor should be in in about a half an hour." She informed us before leaving, pulling the door closed behind her. She left us in utter silence.

"i'm not hungry." Ricky scoffed, pushing the tray as far away from him as possible without tipping the tray over the side of the table.

"You have to eat." I murmured, not wanting him to get angered anymore. He had to eat because one, the hospital checks how much food he does and doesn't eat, and two, i could see him practically wasting away. I hadn't realized before but he was all skin and bones. Ricky wasn't like that before, i don't think, only after we had that fight about his ex girlfriend being pregnant. Well, it wasn't really a fight, i just stormed out and left him to fend with his demons by himself. It was my fault that he got like this.

Of course, He didn't listen to me. To be honest, i think he refused to eat after that in spite of me. He was so stubborn at times, but i love him for his strong head. Well that, and his sexy body... but mostly his personality.

Just as the nurse had said, the doctor eventually strolled in. This was his usual doctor, Dr. Iero, who was almost as short as Ricky, if not shorter. So i guess you can say the were on the same level (hehe get it). We all nearly swarmed him, but managed to compose ourselves. Ricky on the other hand, wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, he barely even looked at him.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Iero." Yeah, yeah, yeah, get on with it. He flipped nonchalantly through his clipboard until he found Ricky's file report. "It seems that you've been in here for quite a while now, Mr. Olson." It was weird for him to be called that, but that was his formal name. "We want to send you home soon, but we have to keep you here for a little while longer." The doctor ran his hands through his short black hair, slightly revealing a scorpion tattoo that was drawn onto his neck. Interesting.

*Ricky's POV*

Unfortunately the doctor decided to show up. I don't know what it was, but just something about him didn't sit right with me. I mean he seemed pretty cool in general with his tattoos and probably good music taste, but i still didn't like him. A shrill chime brought me out of my thoughts as Dr. Iero quickly checked his phone and put it back in his pocket. "Sorry about that, my boyfriend hates being home alone." boyfriend? I didn't expect him to be gay too.

"How much longer is he going to have to stay here?" Ryan asked concerned, for who-knows-what reason.

"He can go home after those observations, though?" Ghost chimed in.

"Guys..." I tried to get their attention because i didn't like that i wasn't included in their conversation. They ignored me and continued talking to each other about me and my arrangements. Minutes later, the doctor left, leaving them to converse and for me to sit alone in silence. "guys..." I tried once more, but was once again ignored. And that's when i kind of gave up on talking.

"Who's going to stay with him? Chris has been with him for the past week so he should go home and get some rest along with Ryan... I'll stay with him." Ghost offered. It was a nice suggestion... if only i got a say in any of this. But of course i didn't. It was weird for them to talk about me like i wasn't even in the room with them or anything. I hated it actually. I should be used to it, i mean, I've been practically ignored for my whole life. There was nothing interesting about me, so why should i get any attention?

The only way i got attention was if i did something dramatic... so that's what i decided to do. I sneakingly took the knife off of my tray, and of course none of the guys noticed. It wasn't sharp enough to really damage me since it was made of plastic, but it was sharp enough to get the job done. I felt tears start to spring from my eyes without my consent and began wetting my cheeks. I didn't want to do this, but i was tired of people making decisions for me. It's my turn to get a say in my fate.

Through blurry disoriented eyes, i brought the knife down to my one wrist that wasn't encased in gauze and bandages. Soon i'd be a human cutting board, and the scary part was that i didn't mind. With one swift flick of my wrist, my skin tore apart slightly releasing my oxidized blood into the atmosphere. It didn't hurt that much, but i let out a soft gasp, both from the slight pain and the sobs that i was struggling to hold in.

They must have finally noticed because i heard terrified chokes. I couldn't tell whether they were terrified at what i was doing, or that i was doing it right in front of their faces without them knowing. "Ricky, what then hell are you doing?!" Chris yelled at me just seconds before i slit another gash in my scar littered wrist.

"Is this what it takes for you to notice me?!" I screamed, my voice rough with tears and frustration. They all looked at me befuddled, the knife still clutched tightly in my hand before Chris yanked it out forcefully. "Is this what it takes to be seen in this world???" I was no longer able to control my weeping and panting. Soon Ryan was overcome with tears as he cautiously walked over to me. I would have scuttled away from hi if i weren't so weak and tired. He hugged me tightly, careful of my now injured wrist that i was trying so hard to keep from bleeding. I didn't cut that deep, yet it kept bleeding.

"Look what you've done to yourself.." He looked over my scarred body. I wasn't always this way. I was half expecting Ryan to look at me with disgust written in his eyes, but he looked at me with his familiar sweet eyes.

And then he did the unexpected, he brought my wrist up to his lips and he kissed the cuts.

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Don't mind me while i cry while writing this chapter lol sorry if this was triggering or anything... but i hoped you kinda like it???

oh and sorry for the late update, it's like 11:30 and i just finished writing it, so if there are any typos, just roll with it lol.

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