Life is but a Fiction...

47 - These walls have heard enough

"I'm going to bed." I raised my head after nodding off for a few minutes.

"Not so fast, we haven't discussed sleeping arrangements." Jess said.

So we did. Zacky saw I was not comfortable sharing a bed with him, and suggested he slept on the air mattress in the living room with someone else. Brian decided to join him, so that left Nick in Jess' room and Jimmy in mine. It didn't exactly make it better for me, but I guess it was easier to pretend in front of him.

I woke up almost instantly as I felt someone joining me under the covers. I turned on my side to face him.

"Hey." I said.

"Hey, sorry I woke you up."

"Don't be. I wanted to talk to you. What time is it?"

"1:30. Zacky and Brian went to sleep, I smoked a cigarette outside and now I'm here."

"Okay... Are they asleep?"

"Yeah, I think so. How are you?"

"Not good." I sighed. "How is Zacky?" I had a concern for his feelings.

"He's sad. Not gonna lie."

"I'm a bad person."

"Don't say that. What happened tonight?"

"He kissed me. And I let him."

"So what is bad about it?"

"I didn't tell him about his brother , so there's that for starters... "

"Maybe that's blocking you."

"It's not."

"I don't understand."

"Well,it is part of it. But, there's a couple of things I'm thinking about. One of them is that my dad gifted me a house and I don't know its location. I said that I would not move outside of California, but if it is and that's the last thing my dad ever gives to me, I'll have to see it before making up my mind. "

"Oh... When will you know?" He asked.

"Soon, I guess..."

"You won't lose us, you know. Not this time. We tour to Japan for god's sake, you can't tell me we won't find a way to see each other."

"It won't be the same though..."

"We'll make it work."

"Yeah...I guess so."

"Just wait until you know before making assumptions. So, what's that other thing bothering you?"

Maybe I should have chosen better words to avoid that question.

"Oh, nothing." I tried to brush it off.

"Ali, it's not nothing. You said and I quote 'a couple of things' ."

"My feelings changed towards him. And..." I stopped. I couldn't say one more word.

"And...?" He repeated.

"I can't. Not tonight. I had a panic attack when I thought about it."

"Why can't you tell me?"

"Jim, don't push it. "

"Okay. I'm sorry, just trying to help."

"I know you are."

We stayed in silence, staring at each other for a moment. He was so beautiful. I should have stayed quiet, leaving the conversation as it was. However, my curiosity got the best of me.