𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 ˢᵒᵈᵃᵖᵒᵖ ᶜᵘʳᵗⁱˢ

𝟎𝟎𝟎. ( prologue )

❝ i love you so much it's killing me! ❞

RIGHT AS I GOT HOME from school, i realized that there was glass on the floor and bickering voice coming from down the hallway.

i rolled my eyes and started up the steps to my room, i slammed my door closed and started ablasting music from my radio to tune them out.

the song that filled the room was tainted love by non-stop erotic cabaret, it's a fairly new song but it's one of my favorites.

i sit on my bed, pulling out a hardcover book from my shelf and cracking it open. i almost forget about the ruckus downstairs and almost enter my magical fantasy world. that is, until, my brother bursts into my room with a worried expression.

i sit up, the dreaded feeling in the pit of my stomach returning. "is everything okay?" i ask him, he shakes his head and opens my closet door. my heart sinks, i don't want to leave home for the third time this week. i want to sleep in my bed and i want my mom to tell me she loves me.

"you have to go, it's getting bad down there." my brother confirms my worries. explains for the glass on the floor. i sigh and stand up, walking towards my brother who now holds a bag of my belongings in it.

"i'm not leaving you here by yourself again." i cross my arms to my chest, "look at your eye! i don't want dad hurting you again!"

my brother smiles softly down at me, his eyes glossy and his brows knitted together to try and stop the tears from coming.

"i have to stay here in case mom gets hurt." he leads me down the hallway and down the stairs.

"i can protect mom too!" i exclaim.

"i can't let anything bad happen to you, athena." he rubs my back as we start walking out the front door.

he opens up his car door and sits himself in the drivers seat.

i know i have to go, even if i don't want to i know it has to happen, so i open the passenger side door and climb inside.

i stare out the window until we arrive at the curtis house, they're used to my being there almost everyday and that's made me become better friends with all of them.

my brother doesn't walk me to the door, nor does he get out of his car. "bye athena."

"bye logan." i force a smile and start walking to the front door and inside their house. sodapop wasn't home yet, considering he's holding a job that lasts until later on.

ponyboy is home but he must be in his room drawing or writing. i never really was too fond of that kid, that might also be because he doesn't say much of anything.

i sit myself on the couch, staring into space as i think about how logan must feel, staying home when our parents are constantly arguing and there's nothing he can really do.

i grab my book from my bag and start reading again. the book isn't too bad but it's not interesting to me. romeo and juliet, i'm not too fond of romance books.

i need to read it though, if i don't then i'll fail english and i really cannot afford to do that. my dad would be real mad at me and who knows what he'll do.

i flip the page, trying not to think about my dad or school. the floorboards creak from behind me, meaning that someone's walking towards me.

"athena?" ponyboy's voice is heard from behind me. i roll my eyes and look behind me.

"hey pony." i smile and turn back to my book. ponyboy doesn't move an inch, reading over my shoulder. "do you need something?" i ask, not turning my attention from my book.

"no." he answers plainly and starts walking to the kitchen.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

after soda and darry had gotten home from work, we all sat around the dinner table and ate dinner.

johnny cade, another one of my friends, was also accompanying us. his home life was worse than mine and usually spent most his time at the lot or here, at the curtis house.

we ate in silence, my mind kept running back to what was happening at home with logan and our parents. i hope he's okay, i hope mom's okay.

nobody questioned my being here, understanding enough that my parents were fighting again and my brother wouldn't stand for me staying there.

after dinner finished, i watched ponyboy and johnny play cards at the table. sodapop kept on glancing up at me from the sofa but i hadn't questioned it.

that was, until soda asked me if he could talk to me—alone. i thought that was weird considering he's always open to talking with me. i followed him outside and we went for a walk down the street.

his hands dug far into his jeans pockets. i could tell he was nervous but i hadn't known why at the time. now that i do, i wish i hadn't gone on that walk at all.

we stop when we round the corner to the lot, sitting on the couch. noticing how nervous soda looks makes me nervous.

"i need to say something." soda finally says. i nod, already catching that part. his leg bounces up and down as he tries to form words.

"i-i love you." soda turns to look at me, "i love you so much it's killing me!"

i don't know what to say, what? he loves me? i feel all the emotions rushing at me in that moment. fear, sad, angry.

"you love me?"

"i always have!" soda admits, scratching the back of his neck.

"i don't know what to say." i comment truthfully. "i love you too soda, but only as a best friend."

it's silent again, the only sound i can hear are soda and i's breathing. the moment is awkward, i start to feel cold and wished that i had brought a jacket or something with me.

"i see." he finally responds. he stands abruptly and waits for me to do the same. i stand too, looking into his blue eyes. why don't i love him? i've never thought of him as anything else other than my best friend.

"let's go home, it's getting cold." he remarks, starting to walk ahead. i feel tears slipping down my cheeks. why can't i love him? i stand there for a full minute before digging my hands in my jeans and following behind him.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

i literally never know what to put here um !
i hope you guys enjoyed 😯

-molly 💋