𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 ˢᵒᵈᵃᵖᵒᵖ ᶜᵘʳᵗⁱˢ

𝟎𝟎𝟕. ( he still cares )

❝ i'm sorry for leaving. ❞

I FIND MYSELF AT the lot, kicking pebbles i find in my way. i feel mentally drained and my hands are trembling. tears pour down my rosy cheeks as i think about what could've been. what should've been. 

rustling sounds behind me, startling me from my daze. i jump up quickly, "who's there? i have a knife and i'm not fucking scared to cut you to ribbons." the rustling stops as a head peaks out from behind the bushes. 

"athena? is that really you?" the voice that belongs to johnny cade rings in my ears. this brings more tears to brim my eyes and fall. "johnny." i cry out, rushing up to him and embracing his torso tightly like he'll disappear if i don't hold him tight enough. he seems taken aback by my sobs and how desperate i seem to see him.

"what's wrong?" he asks awkwardly, i sniffle and back away from him. i feel like a mess and i must look it because johnny says so, "you look a mess." he remarks.

"i fucking know that!" i holler without realizing what i said, he flinches at my raised voice. johnny has always been known for his gentle nature and vulnerability. he wore his heart on his sleeve, and his expressive eyes often revealed the depth of his emotions. he was scared of many things, a bundle of anxieties and fears that made him feel like he was walking on a tight rope most days. he could also be the bravest person ever if you let him be, nobody really saw that because people always look towards the bad in things.

despite his apprehensions, he was like everyone's little brother, adored by everyone around him because of the challenges he faced in his home. the gang protected him, trying their best to shelter him from the harshness of the world. if they saw me now, yelling at him, they would be awfully angry and probably wouldn't forgive me for it.

i wouldn't forgive me either. "i'm so sorry, johnny." i sob into my hands, "everything's just so messed up right now." i hadn't meant to snap at him, i care for him like my brother and i don't think i could forgive myself for screaming at him like he was my worst enemy.

"i get it." johnny nods, grabbing my shoulder and leading me towards a couch in the lot. it's very old and creaks when we sit but johnny usually sleeps here most nights so he's used to it. "i know what it's like to be tangled in a mix of emotions and you just don't know what to do."

"it's about sodapop." i admit, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. johnny nods and slings his arm around my shoulder and soothes me by brushing his hand through my hair. he brings me closer to him and my face is face-to-face with his jean jacket.

"let it out." he says, continuing to stroke my hair. i realize that i no longer can hold it in and bawl into his jean jacket. it feels relieving to cry to someone who understands, johnny's always been understanding and i wish dearly that i never left him behind in my past.

"i'm sorry for leaving." i gasp between my tears. 

"it's okay."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
ˢᵒᵈᵃ'ˢ ᵖᵒᵛ

i'm sitting on the couch when the phone rings. i don't bother to stand and get it, besides, ponyboy already grabbed it. i gaze out the window like i gazed into athena's eyes. the thought of her makes the butterflies come alive in my stomach, she makes me so nervous. 

i have a girlfriend, i shouldn't be thinking about another girl like that. i stretch my legs out in front of me and rest my hands behind my head. ponyboy rushes out to the living room.

"it was johnny, he's with athena." pony exclaims, i sit up from my original position. my eyes widened in fear that something happened to her. the girl i still care about.

"is she alright?" i demand an answer, pony shrugs. "and where are they?" i start to feel panic surge through my entire body.

"she's crying," pony says, "a lot."

hearing that she was crying ignited a rush of concern within me, and memories of our time together came flooding back. i couldn't help but worry if she had another panic attack, just like the one she had today. the memory of her vulnerability and pain during that incident was forever etched in my mind, and i know how overwhelming those kind of moments can be for her.

in spite of our history, i still care for her. a lot. her well-being has always been important to me and i just couldn't possibly bear the thought of her struggling and hurting without me being there to help her. as much as i tried to push away my feelings for her after her rejection, the concern i have for her still remains and i fear that it'll never fade away. 

i know one thing at this very moment. i was going to help athena no matter what i have to risk. i would do anything to help her, she matters so much to me and i would hate myself if something bad happened to her and i didn't do anything to help her out.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
i seriously don't know how to feel about this chapter but um okay.
i should be asleep right now but updating is just sm fun
okay goodnight i love you
-molly