𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 ˢᵒᵈᵃᵖᵒᵖ ᶜᵘʳᵗⁱˢ

𝟎𝟎𝟑. ( vulnerable )

❝ soda needed you. ❞

I FEEL LIKE THE STUPIDEST person in the world. i should've know soda would've moved on, i haven't seen him in a year and almost every single girl in tulsa would die for him.

even me.

i curl up under my blanket, clutching tightly on my stuffed octopus. tears roll down my cheeks as i regret what i did to him a year ago. he hasn't deserved that, i shouldn't have just left him because he loved me. i could've learned to love him, i hadn't even tried to.

i opened the window in my room because i needed some fresh air in my room and i hadn't felt like walking outside for no apparent reason.

i crawl back into my fetal position and cry into my octopus stuffed animal. i shouldn't be crying, i brought this all on myself anyways. but something inside of me felt as if it was missing. my heart wasn't as full as it was when i knew sodapop.

i stare off in the blank space in front of me, my face scrunched up from trying to hold the tears back. i know my mom is home and could walk in and see me sobbing my eyes out at any moment.

i wiped my eyes and stood from my bed, deciding i was not gonna cry about some man who i haven't seen in a whole year. a man who i should've left in the past.

i'm pacing my room, trying to figure out what i should do to seem unbothered by this whole mess. it took me a couple more seconds to finally grab my running shoes and a hair tie.

i throw my hair into a tight ponytail and start down the stairs.

once i'm out the door, i start running—sprinting even. i don't care if i look stupid, i just need to run—i need to get out.

so when i arrive at the park, i catch my breathing and sit myself on a park bench. i'm still breathing heavily when i notice dallas winston standing a few feet in front of me.

he's looking at me with his mysterious, angry eyes and i feel afraid just like i had when i first saw him. i don't show my fear like i did last time, instead i glare at him.

i don't know why i'm angry, i have so much rage coursing through my veins that i could hurt someone—someone who i don't want to hurt.

i breathe in and out, calming myself for what feels like the hundredth time today. i'm still a little shaky but that should fade away soon.

"long time no see." dallas smirks, i don't return the sly grin. i keep the same poker face that i had fifteen seconds ago.

i don't reply back to him, dally notices my ignoring his comment and his face turns from playful to wicked.

"i heard what happened with sodapop." he finally says. of course he did.

"how do you know about that?" i snarl, crossing my legs. dallas seems somewhat taken aback by my sour tone but plays it off.

"pony's got a big mouth." he pulls out a pack of cigarettes, "want one?"

"my answer stays the same." i eye the cigarettes, thinking about how nice it would be to feel relaxed in some way. even though cancer sticks are never the calming mechanism to turn to—i need it.

i don't say it though, i keep quiet and stare at my running shoes.

"you just now finding out about mr and mrs curtis?" dallas asks, taking a drag on his cigarette. i nod, if i speak my words will be all shaken and i'll start crying for who knows what reason now.

i've always cried—i cry a lot because i'm the most sensitive person you could possibly meet. i don't want to seem sensitive with someone who i never understood, because he wouldn't understand what it's like to be vulnerable with someone. for a matter of fact, i don't suppose i've ever seen a tear slip from dallas's' eye—nor have i ever seen him shaken up.

"soda needed you." dallas says after a moment of silence. i glare at him, "what? can't handle the truth?!"

"i already know that." i snap, handing my head.

"sorry athena." dallas remarks, but he's not sorry. dallas winston is never sorry because why should he be? in every single situation he always feels like he's right so he has nothing to apologize for if he hurts your feelings or even hurts you physically.

"just—leave me alone." i don't look up at him, but i know that he's not where he was a second ago. he left, just like i told him to.

that's different.

i stand quickly, planning on bolting home and watching some sad old time movie by myself. even though those movies make me cry, it makes me feel like my problems aren't so bad sometimes.

except, i feel like my situation isn't at all that great as it usually would be.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
i can't sleep and i have to wake up early in the morning and drive somewhere far
-molly