𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 ˢᵒᵈᵃᵖᵒᵖ ᶜᵘʳᵗⁱˢ

𝟎𝟏𝟔. ( notebook )

❝ i really did love her, i still don't understand what she couldn't love about me. ❞

ONCE ATHENA FINDS HERSELF standing in front of the curtis household, she's not sure she wants to do this anymore. her heart wrenches in sadness and longing, wishing things could be different for the group. and the worst part is, it's her fault.

she can feel it in her chest, her heart, her soul, if she never had left soda that night everything would've been fine. 

she takes a drag on her cigarette, feeling woozy and tired from the excitement of the day. she notices ponyboy from inside the window, peaking out to see who's outside. once he spots athena, he bolts out the door. "what're you doing here?"

"i came to say goodbye." athena responds, stomping on her cigarette. ponyboy looks like he had been crying, athena doesn't blame him one bit. "you're leaving?" pony asks sadly.

"it's for the better." she addresses, trying her best to hold herself back from hugging her old friend. 

"no it's not." pony argues, "soda wouldn't have wanted you to run away and forget about all of us like it's nothing." 

"i'm not going to forget about you, pony." she says softly.

"yes you will, you'll live a new life and what's the point in remembering the rest of us, back here in tulsa?" he fumes, his hands trembling big time. 

"that's not true." she doesn't even believe herself, "can i come inside?"

"if you want." pony sighs, walking back inside the front door. athena trails behind him into the house, looking at the couch where soda and her used to sit together almost every evening.

"i'm really going to miss you guys." she says seriously, but ponyboy doesn't believe her.

"then don't go." he pleads, wiping her eyes before tears can come out. she shakes her head. "i can't."

"so you're just gonna leave like you always fucking do, huh? how long will it be this time, two years?" pony yells, athena's eyes widen as she wonders why it has to end like this.

"you don't get it." she shakes her head, turning to walk out the door.

"my brother wrote poems, notes, drawings, everything for you after you left." he exclaims, "i've never seen him so in love with anyone before!"

athena's body feels stiff as she wonders if she heard the boy in front of her correctly. "what?"

"and now he's gone!" pony weeps, his hands going to his eyes to hide his tears. 

"can i see these?" she asks softly, placing a hand on her friend's back. he looks up and nods rapidly. "he would've wanted you to read them."

as they walk into what once was soda and pony's room, she notices his things packed up in a box, everything but a notebook. "here, read it and come back if you change your mind." pony shoves it towards her.

she takes it with open arms and nods towards the boy. not being able to stand being inside the house of her dead lover, she rushes out. 

she takes a seat on a bench outside of a coffee shop. she opens the notebook and crosses her legs, trying to get comfortable. 

she begins reading the title, i don't know where she went, is what she read over and over again. she could feel her heart being torn apart all over again. she continued reading. i really did love her, i still don't understand what she couldn't love about me. that was all she could take, she closes the book and sobs the whole way home.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
this was so corny
but yeah that's the end because i ran out of ideas.
-molly