𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 ˢᵒᵈᵃᵖᵒᵖ ᶜᵘʳᵗⁱˢ

𝟎𝟎𝟔. ( kissable lips )

❝ you have the most beautiful eyes. ❞

SODAPOP GENTLY LETS GO of my back, a pang of longing washed over me like a gentle ache. the touch of his hand had been a lifeline during my panic attack, a grounding force that had tethered me to reality when everything seemed to spin out of control. now, as his touch dissipated, i couldn't help but yearn for the warmth and reassurance it had provided. 

i remember what i had just said a second ago and cover my mouth with both my hands. "i didn't mean it like that." i try and shrug it off, but sodapop doesn't seem like he's letting this go anytime soon. 

"what did you mean it like then? do i give you anxiety?" the boy's brows furrowed with a mix of hurt and concern. his eyes met with my gaze, and i could feel his intensity of emotions brimming just beneath his surface. he took a deep breath as he waited for my answer.

"you wouldn't understand it." i utter under my breath. the room fell into an uneasy silence at my words, my gaze fixated on the floor, avoiding any kind of eye contact with the boy in front of me. soda was growing more and more confused by the second, i could feel it hanging in the dimly-lit room.

"i'm sure i would if you walked me through it." he gently reached out, his fingers wrapping around my trembling arm. our eyes met, and in that moment, time seemed to stand still. the rush of the panic attack that i just experienced was now replaced with a different kind of nervous excitement. i looked into his eyes, his blue eyes, usually smiling and wild, now reflected a mix of emotions--concern, affection, and a hint of uncertainty. he grabbed my arm to offer support towards me, but now, as i looked into his beautiful blue eyes, i could feel him becoming nervous.

i find myself lost in the depths of his eyes, the same cerulean hue that had always left me mesmerized. they were like calm waters on a summer's day, inviting and deep. i couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth that blood from my chest. his eyes held a certain tenderness, a gentleness that i hadn't yet seen before and it made my heart flutter with an unspoken longing. i've admired his eyes for the longest time, but at this moment, there was an unspoken connection that seemed to bridge the distance between us.

"you have the most beautiful eyes." i whispered softly, my voice tinged with a mix of awe and vulnerability. i watched his cheeks flush a rosy hue, i saw him searching for a way to respond to my compliment.

"i... um, thank you." he stammered, a touch of shyness creeping into his voice. the silence that lingered in the air was both awkward and enchanting. we were lost in each other's eyes, a silent exchange of emotions passing between us, unspoken words hanging in the air like a delicate thread.

i looked away, afraid of what might happen if i lost myself in his eyes for a second too long. he let go of my arm slowly, like he didn't want to let go of me. i yearned for his touch, but he only walked back to his register and didn't look back at me for the rest of my shift.

the feeling was a complex whirlwind of emotions, a mixture of nostalgia, regret, longing, and a touch of bittersweet happiness. it had been a year since i had made the difficult decision to reject him, believing that it was the right choice at the time. but fate seemed to have other plans, bringing the both of us back together at the same workplace.

but reality wasn't without its complications. i know he has a girlfriend, and that fact weighed heavily on my heart. the realization that he moved on, at least romantically, stirred a stress of sadness within me. i buried my feelings because i convinced myself i wasn't in love with my best friend.

our shared moment in which he grabbed my arm after my totally embarassing panic attack, felt like a collision of what-ifs. for an instant, the walls that had erected between them seemed to crumble. i might just be the most delusional bitch on planet earth or i'm correct.

either way, i would leave the store tonight and cry my eyes out in my bed, my cardigan wrapped around me and my octopus plush nestled tight in my arms.

soda waited for me, his hands dug into his jeans pockets. i raised my brows at him, he looked somewhat afraid to be near me. 

"why are you waiting for me?" i question him as we lock up together. he doesn't look at me, i'm watching him look into the night sky, wishing he was looking at me like he did in the store. 

"i wanted to make sure you got out alright." i could see a smile creep onto his soft lips. oh, his lips... they're so captivating and intriguing. they have the perfect balance of softness and firmness whenever he speaks to me and whenever he smiles. the way they move when he talks, forming every word so eloquently, draws me in like a magnetic force.

i snapped out of my trance, "thank you." i nod slightly, trying not to look at his lips. if i do then i might accidentally comment something about them, or worse. i'll probably lose control and crash my lips onto his.

"do you have a ride?" he turns his head to face me, i try my best to focus on his forehead and not any of his features below that point.

"yeah, i have my car." i point towards where it sits. soda only nods, his forehead creases but i won't let myself look into his salty blue eyes or look at his kissable lips. what am i thinking? i rejected him and now i somehow 'love' him? i shake my head, trying to shake the thoughts away.

"i'll see you later." he announces, walking over to a truck. i don't want to leave him at this moment, i barely got to say anything to him when i should've said so much more. but it's too late, he's taking long strides and opens the rusted truck door.

my feet are glued to the gritty gravel beneath me. i watch him pull out of the parking lot, wishing that his warm body was still standing next to mine, wishing that he would press his lips to mine, wishing that he would love me again like he did when we were fifteen.

once he disappears from the parking lot completely, i'm filled with sadness filling the pit of my stomach. i trudge to my car, making sure to look both ways in case someone plans on kidnapping me. 

i'm sitting alone in my car this long day, my mind still races with remnants of a panic attack that overwhelmed me earlier. the weight of the anxiety lingers, suffocating my thoughts as i try to regain control.

i remember how soda approached me with gentle concern, even though i couldn't breathe, talk, hear, or see, somehow i could still see him walking up to me with much worry plastered on his jaw dropping face.

his eyes were filled with understanding and worry. he knew exactly how to calm me down, just like he used to when we were inseparable. 

i stick my keys into my car in anguish and start speeding out of the parking lot. i can feel my nerves starting to rise and i need to stop it. i have no idea where the fuck i'm going, but in that moment, that doesn't exactly matter.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

i love being overly descriptive it's so fun and for what
-molly