LOVELORN

20|Realizations & Trips

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I DIDN'T yell. I didn't barge in. I didn't confront them. What I did do was go upstairs and back into my bed before they'd notice me. Only a minute later, Zora returned to bed. I pretended to be asleep, turned to the side so she wouldn't see me cry. Covering my mouth, I tried to stop any sobs from slipping out, crying as silently as I could.

The call from Avi, Zora's strange behavior, and their odd interactions, it all added up. I'd suspected. I'd suspected and I'd still been naive enough to believe that maybe it wasn't what I thought. A million questions pushed their way into my head. How long? Are you together? Why him? Is it serious? Is it love? Do you love him? Does he mean more to you than I ever could? Is this it? Are you tired of me?

I knew we would never be together, but my brother? My fucking brother? It was so ironic I almost wanted to laugh. Of course she'd go for the person I'd been envious of my entire life. Of course the universe would hate me so much.

For the first time, I didn't want Zora there. I wanted her to leave. To not break my heart more by sleeping next to me right after she'd kissed my brother. Maybe I'd romanticized her in my head too much and maybe that was my fault, but now I felt like I didn't even know her anymore.

It wasn't just that she was dating my brother, or whatever they were doing. It was that it'd been going on for god knows how long and she hadn't told me. That she'd probably snuck around with him and lied to me more than once about it. It was that she'd kissed the person who I had been made to feel was better than me.

But fundamentally, it was because I was in love with her and she didn't feel the same way.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I woke up before her after barely sleeping anything. Since I didn't want to act rashly in the heat of the moment, I hadn't done anything yesterday. Now that I was thinking more clearly (that was debatable) I decided that I wouldn't tell her I knew. Not until I felt ready. Part of me wanted her to own up to it as well. To come to me about it on her terms and not mine.

Taking a deep breath, I got out of bed to get ready for the day. When I was freshly showered and dressed, I went down to get breakfast. It was only 6 and usually I wouldn't wake up for another hour.

I tried not to think and instead just go through everything mechanically, music blasting into my headphones. After grabbing some cereal and yogurt, I sat down to eat.

Being alone didn't last very long. Soon after, Avi came downstairs looking freshly awake. He yawned and sat down opposite me. I didn't want to look at him, so I kept my eyes on my food, not taking my headphones off.

When I didn't answer him, he reached over to knock down my headphones so they fell around my neck. The small action made me so unreasonably angry that I glared at him as if he'd committed an unforgivable act. He only laughed and fuck, I could feel my blood boiling.

How could he act normal as if he wasn't going around kissing my best friend?

"Can you fuck off? There's a reason I'm wearing headphones and it's not because I want to hear your stupid fucking voice," I snapped and he looked taken aback, but not particularly offended.

He put his hands up in defense. "Woah, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

I tried to breathe but I was feeling a panic attack coming on. Everything felt so overwhelming and I wanted the world to just shut up to let me catch my breath and nothing felt in my control.