LOVELORN

25|Birthday blues & gifts

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IT WAS the 27th of January.

Eighteen years ago on this day Avi and I were born. We were legally adults now. Not that I felt much more like one compared to yesterday. Freedom and responsibilities, that was what being an adult was, right? I had one of those things.

Zora sent me a happy birthday message like she always did. Typically it'd be accompanied by a comment about how much she loved me, or a sweet message. This year, it was reduced to only a 'happy birthday' with a heart. Adya had also texted me, wishing me a great birthday.

Birthdays had always been difficult to deal with for me. After trying to take my own life a little over three years ago, celebrating the start of a new year of being alive was emotionally perplexing. I didn't plan on being alive to see eighteen, so how was I supposed to celebrate it? I wasn't particularly proud that I was still alive, nor was that feeling of wishing I wasn't entirely gone.

When I woke up, I couldn't help wishing it was any other day. A horrible case of birthday blues fell over me every year since I was maybe ten, or earlier. It became apparent every year that my parents wanted to celebrate the birth of their son but forget I was born on the same day too. They always gave me a present, so if I complained that it was so blatantly less thought through than Avi's, I'd be ungrateful, because at least I got a present and oh, no, how dare you imply it's worse, you brat! It always worked to make me look like the ass if I were to bring it up. Brilliant tactic really. I had to applaud my parents for that one.

A knock came on my door. I immediately knew it was my brother. Every year, he'd come into my room and we'd exchange gifts before we went downstairs to celebrate with our parents. It was a tradition that had started when we were young. All fights were brushed aside to share a moment between two siblings who'd entered the earth on the same day.

Avi came in bearing a present and sat on the bed. "Can't believe we're old now. Do you feel the wrinkles coming in yet?"

I touched my forehead in mock panic. "I think I do. Can you see any?"

He squinted his eyes. "You know what, I think I do. Some gray hairs too."

Avi smiled when he saw I was, then placed the gift in my lap. "You start."

I unwrapped it and found myself staring at a personalized music plaque of one of my favorite songs. Hugging him, I thanked him and went to place it on my nightstand. Then I gave him my present, a vintage college hoodie and some art posters.

"For your dorm," I explained.

Avi stared down at my presents with a smile and we hugged again. "Thank you. God, I can't believe that in like 8 months college starts."

"Yeah," I said, feeling vaguely numb.

"You'll visit, right?" He asked, looking up at me with hopeful eyes. "I'll visit you wherever you end up too obviously."

I put on my best smile. "Of course I'll visit."

He nodded. "Good. Want to go downstairs now?"

No, I'd rather fling myself off a cliff. "Sure."

When we came downstairs, our parents greeted us, guiding the two of us into the living room immediately. There were a couple of presents on the coffee table, some decorations, and a cake with candles in it. All the classic birthday stuff. We sat down on the sofa, our parents hovering by the gifts.