LOVELORN

43|Hearts & wishes

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"CAT!" WAS the first thing Mai exclaimed when we made it to Mara's house. A wide smile stretched across her face as she went to pick it up, after asking for permission from Mara.

"You're so fluffy," Mai cooed as she petted the ragdoll, who purred in her arms. "What's her name?"

"Barbie. Don't judge, I named her when I was like six."

"No, I love it," Mai said, scratching Barbie's chin.

As he passed by, Silas took a moment to give Barbie some affection, before continuing to trail after Mara into the kitchen. I stayed behind with Mai, stroking Barbie's soft fur.

"I think she likes you," I told Mai, who smirked joyfully.

"I'm a bit of a cat whisperer, what can I say?"

I couldn't even deny her on that because the way Barbie was purring more than I'd heard before, at a total stranger nonetheless, seemed to prove it. Both of them looked adorably content.

I remembered suddenly that I'd observed Mai seeming a bit off the other day. I decided this was an okay moment to interject with a hopefully casual question to prompt her to open up if she so wished.

"So, how have you been?"

My eyes stayed on Barbie, to not seem like I was staring into her soul and to not intimidate her. Her hand faltered in its movements before growing far more sluggish. My question didn't come out as casual as I'd hoped, rather, it simply sounded like I was interrogating her, which was the opposite of my intentions.

"Yeah, of course," her throat bobbed. "Why? Does it seem like I'm not...well?"

"No, no," I shook my head, wishing I'd remained silent. Or that I had the capability of being more subtle. "Just asking."

She'd appeared okay today. But appearance and true feelings didn't always correlate. I knew so from the countless times I'd put up a facade to not cause those around me discomfort. From my observations, Mai was like that too. She would smile and laugh, sometimes even more than usual, but if you were paying attention, you'd catch the tiny shifts in her expressions. Her face dropping when she thought nobody was looking, preoccupied in her thoughts, I could presume. Her eyes glazing over as she stared into the distance. Her smile feeling forcibly stretched.

Mai's eyes darted around the room before she let out a weak sigh. "I don't know if the meds are wearing off, or something."

"Do you think..." I fumbled over my words, trying to phrase my words in a manner that didn't come across as intrusive. "Are you having a..."

She filled in the gap for me. "A depressive episode? Yeah. I don't know. It's been way worse in the past, though. So maybe the meds are helping." Making sure Barbie was stable, she used one hand to wipe away a tear. She sniffled, before continuing. "Maybe it was silly to think they would work seamlessly. Even my doctor said I might still have setbacks and that medication is not a cure, but a way of managing symptoms. Still, I don't know, I just wish I was fucking normal and didn't need meds to be mentally sane." A laugh broke out of her, but it was bitter and tear-filled.

The doorbell rang as I was about to respond. As I was about to say I understood, that I also wished my mental illnesses didn't hinder me so much.