LOVELORN

31|Perfect & imperfect

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

WHEN ZORA said she would end things with Avi, I hadn't expected her to actually go through with it. Especially since I said she shouldn't do it, at least not for my sake. I definitely didn't think she would do it so soon, only a week after our conversation.

"Why?"

Avi gave me a 'c'mon' look. "You know why."

"I told her she shouldn't do it because of me."

"Well, I don't think it was the only reason, to be fair," he said, shrugging. "But it was a big one. The same day we found out that you knew about us, Zora and I talked. She admitted previously that she'd break up with me if you reacted badly."

I stiffened at that, she told him that?

"Then what's the other reason?"

He sighed, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. "I think Zora didn't like me as much as she thought she did. It was the idea of me I believe appealed to her more. After all her questionable relationships and flings, she liked that I treated her well. If you're going to fall in love with someone, it should be a person who treats you with respect and kindness, shouldn't it? But our entire relationship, if it can even be called that since things were never official, she was hesitant, distant. If you ask me, she preferred me as a friend rather than for the romantic stuff."

I wasn't sure what to say. In my head, I'd had this idea of them being perfect, of them loving each other. Maybe because I had this inherent belief that Avi was somehow flawless, so his relationships should be too. If Zora would fall in love, it should be with him, right? It seemed natural, like they were made for each other.

"I'm sorry, by the way. We should have told you earlier and I should never have made a move that night in the first place."

My curiosity was eating me alive. "What night?"

His eyes widened. "She didn't tell you how it started?"

"I didn't ask."

"We were dancing and sort of flirting during homecoming. She came down to the kitchen later that night because she couldn't sleep, and I happened to be there. We talked and then we kissed. She avoided me for a while after that, but the next time we spoke, we decided that we should keep it on the down low, and see where it goes."

Homecoming? I replayed the night in my head and I suddenly felt sick. I'm so stupid. I remembered her coming back upstairs, looking fucking flustered. I recalled our conversation, and how off she seemed. They'd kissed, they'd kissed that night and I had no clue.

"You're so...," I let out a frustrated sigh, raking a hand through my hair, "fucking selfish. My best friend, Avi? Seriously? What the fuck? Why her when you could get with anybody else? Literally anybody but her!"

His eyes went downcast, not meeting my gaze. I shook my head in disbelief, knowing he didn't have a good answer. "Naya..."

"Don't even. Just please spare me the bullshit. I get it, it's Zora. She's gorgeous and she's kind and caring, but really? Do you not see how fucking much this has hurt me? Or even worse, did you know it would and did it anyway? Do you even love her, or at least like her a lot, or did you just think with your dick like the damn rest of them!"