LOVELORN

21|Light & Darkness

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

ON THE second day, we went skiing. I turned out to not be as rusty at it as I thought I would be. Zora went skiing every year, so naturally, she was better than me. Going out and doing something active helped clear my mind a little. A welcome distraction.

Instead of going out, Mr. West cooked dinner for us that evening. Sometime during the day, Adya had texted me saying she wished I was there and she hoped I'd feel better soon. Adya was by far my favorite cousin. We'd always gotten along well. That was why I told her the truth, that I wasn't sick, it was just a lie my parents had made up.

She was angry on my behalf, even going on a rant about how terrible they were being to me and how it would be so much more fun if I was there. It was comforting to know at least someone wanted me there.

We messaged back and forth for a while. She sent some pictures of a wedding they'd gone to, wearing a beautiful lehenga, a gorgeous mehndi design on her hands and forearms. I felt a pang of jealousy. Weddings made me anxious, but I still liked a lot of the aspects of it, despite the overall anxiety large events brought me.

A knock came on the door. I was sitting on the bed, not doing much since Adya had said she needed to go. Zora opened the door and stepped in after I gave her permission.

"I'm going to the jacuzzi, want to come?"

"Yeah, definitely. Now?"

"I was just about to get changed, so yes, if you're fine with that. I'll see you down there in fifteen then?"

I nodded and when she left, I got changed into a simple black swimsuit I'd brought, then put some black swimming trunks over them to cover up my scars. To not get my hair wet, I put it up in a bun. I avoided looking in the mirror and tried not to feel super exposed.

Ever since I hit puberty, I had struggled to feel comfortable in anything that showed my figure. My boobs especially had always been on the larger side. I'd learned early on that existing as a woman with a larger chest was often not a pleasant experience. So I resorted to covering up to relieve some anxiety. Wearing baggy clothing also covered other insecurities, which was a bonus.

I went down to the jacuzzi. Zora was already there, soaking in the warmth of it. She was wearing a maroon bikini and my heart raced at the sight of her. She's so gorgeous. I stepped into the hot tub, staying a reasonable distance away. It was rather big, so I could have gotten further away, but that would have looked suspicious.

"Why are you so far away?" She asked almost immediately. Well, apparently it wasn't a reasonable distance.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Sit next to me."

I didn't argue, scooting closer to her until I was close enough that she could rest her head on my shoulder, which she did. Guilt and butterflies mixed in my stomach. She was always just being friendly, but now that I knew about her and my brother, I felt both guilty and a little mad that she was being so affectionate. The duality of my feelings made me nauseous. Being straight would solve so many of my problems. I desperately wished I could change my sexuality, especially right now.

Instead of focusing on Zora, I sought out the beautiful view as a distraction. The snow covered the mountains and the surronding trees like a blanket. The landscape illuminated only by the moon and the ski resort. At night, it was even more magical. The glimmering stars above only completed the dreamy feeling.