LOVELORN

48|Bright paths & belonging

.　 *. • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

ＮＡＹＡ'Ｓ ＰＯＶ

ZORA'S DAD was already downstairs making breakfast by the time we entered the kitchen. The sound of him humming to some old rock song as he fried some eggs filled me with a sense of home.

All my life, I'd wanted to experience what it was like to be born into a home that was bursting with love. When I visited Zora's, I would get a taste of what it was like and it never failed to leave me aching for more. But as much as I would try to keep the flame alive inside my heart, it would always be extinguished the moment I stepped into the suffocating atmosphere of my house. A place that had nothing but contempt embedded into it.

On nights when I felt alone, which was a depressing amount of them, I'd find myself dreaming of a particular house. Splashes of bold, bright colors made it feel like it was enveloped in joy, the grass surrounding it blindingly green and blooming with sunflowers. When you walked inside the already open door, past the veranda with the well-used sitting area, the sound of laughter bounced off the walls and wrapped around you like a warm hug. Wafts of newly cooked food and the aroma of lavender calmed you.

Before you could even take off your shoes, you were welcomed with embraces and waved into the dining room. A smile lingered on your lips as you sauntered past the family photos decorating the hallway and let your fingers graze your trophies proudly displayed on shelves.

When I woke up from dreams of that house, I'd be filled with homesickness for a place that didn't exist. Yet, when I stepped foot into Zora's home, I felt a similar sense of comfort to the one my dream house gave me.

For once, that kind of joy didn't feel entirely out of reach for me. It still felt like it was far beyond the horizon and a long journey to arrive there, but it was no longer an impossible destination in my mind.

Just being out of that tainted house allowed the clouds to slowly clear up, my limbs to be eased off the tension they always held there, and my lungs to take a breath of fresh air. Being forced out of somewhere had never felt so daunting yet so freeing. A step forward into an uncertain future, but one overflowing with so many more possibilities. Little street lights flickered on, brightening paths I thought would be forever clouded by darkness. Hope wedged itself into my heart, forcing it to readjust to accommodate the unfamiliar feeling, its delicate walls molding and expanding to make room for it.

Maybe there was a future for me in which I wasn't just pushing through the days, but actually living. However, I knew I was getting ahead of myself, there was a long road before joy would dominate my emotions. As much as I wanted them to disappear, depression and anxiety followed me beyond the boundaries of my old house and my family. Now I just had a better foundation to deal with them.

Mr. West greeted us with a 'good morning', taking me out of my inner world and back to reality. We sat down at the kitchen table after he insisted that we didn't help him, saying he was almost done anyway.

When he placed the last thing on the table, a jug of orange juice, he joined us with a bright smile. I knew he would be asking me questions later, so I decided to enjoy the brief moment of peace before I had to deal with another difficult conversation.

The morning had started intensely, to say the least. While I felt like there was a weight off my shoulders, a lump in my throat had still formed from recounting the painful memories of yesterday. I had intentionally left out some details, but she knew most of it. I wouldn't have to deal with it all alone, and the relief of that was so immense that it made every step I took a little lighter.