LOVELORN

27|Talks & difficult situations

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ＺＯＲＡ'Ｓ ＰＯＶ

WHEN I thought of love, I thought of Naya. They were interconnected, existing in the same area of my brain. She'd been my best friend for years, my ride or die, my safety person, my everything. It came naturally to me. Loving her, that is. If something brought her joy, I would do it, or at least try to. It was as simple as that.

Giving her my journals, baring my mind open to her like that, wasn't something that scared me. She could have all my feelings, I knew she'd handle them with care. Besides, I'd rarely ever had something to hide.

At least until Avi.

Nowadays, it felt like I constantly had this huge impending secret lingering on the tip of my tongue.

It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. I wanted to tell her months ago. But every time I was planning to, something stopped me. Guilt, probably. Instead, I'd let the secret fester for months, growing larger as the days passed. Maybe she wouldn't have been mad if I'd told her around the time it happened, but if I told her now, she definitely would be.

There was no point in telling her in the present, though. She wasn't even speaking to me. Yesterday was her 18th birthday and we weren't speaking. It felt wrong, even more so than it did on other days. I'd tried to make her day special anyway, but I wasn't sure if I'd succeeded.

When I walked to my English class the day after, I was filled with nerves. Will she be wearing the necklace? The thought kept circulating in my head. I hoped she would. God, I really hoped she would.

My eyes immediately sought her out when I stepped into the classroom. She was sitting in her usual spot and I saw she was fiddling with a necklace around her neck. The necklace I had made her.

"Do you like it?" I asked her as I sat down, all but containing my joy.

"I love it," she said. "Thank you."

I could see she meant it.

"It looks beautiful on you."

"You did a good job," she replied, looking down at the necklace with a little smile.

"Thank you, I'm glad you like it."

Her mouth opened as if she was about to say something more, but the teacher starting the lesson interrupted her. I couldn't stop myself from wearing a small smile the entire class.

When we were packing up our stuff at the end of the period, Naya turned to me. I halted my movements, looking at her expectantly.

"Can we talk after school?"

Please be something good. Please be something good.

"Yeah, sure. By the benches in front of school?"

"That works," she confirmed.

"I'll see you later then."

I nodded and she left. Soon after, I followed. Since I shared a free period with Avi today, I went to meet up with him outside school. Sometimes we would do work, other days we weren't as productive.