Frailty /Depressed! Deku x Bakugou/

Chapter 8

IZUKU—

My hands were burning. That's the first thing I felt as soon as I opened my eyes, it took me a second to register where I was. The infirmary.

'Shit.'

Forcing myself to sit up, I notice Kacchan beside me, fast asleep. The next thing I notice is the presence of two others right outside the infirmary.

"He shouldn't be allowed to train in this state, it could cause permanent damage to his body, Aizawa." That's Recovery Girl… she can't be serious—

"I don't think it would do him any good, it might backfire. He always did use training and heroics class to distract himself both before All Might's death and after…"

"He's malnourished and is self-harming, Aizawa. Any hero would be suspended from hero work not to mention he's just a trainee."

I sucked in a breath, my hand moving over to my wrist, wanting to get out of here…

"If I'm suspended from hero work studies and training, what am I even alive for?! This is the only reason I'm fucking alive, they can't do this to me..! I can't do this, I don't wanna stop training, if I do I won't have a purpose! And I'll gain and gain and gain until I'm back to the start. All the progress will be for nothing! I will be fat again. Fat and disgusting and useless. I'll be the useless deku again..!"

'I can't breathe, it's hard to breathe.'

"—zuku!"

This is killing me, I don't want to be here. I want to go back to my room, I wanna be alone.

Alone and safe.

In control.

"IZUKU!"

Turning my head, I see Kacchan with worry written all over his face, I don't want to see him like this, I hate it.

"Hey, hey! It's okay. You're fucking fine, breathe, nerd." He says, pulling my hand away from my newly made bleeding scratches, keeping both my hands over the thin covers and steady.

"In and out, yeah… just like that. It's alright, I'm here."

"Everything Is Fine! Why? Because…"

"I Am Here!"

No, no. He's not here. Nothing is fine. All Might is gone because I wasn't strong enough, he's gone because I wasn't good enough.

They all blame me. They all hate me. They hate me because I ended him, I killed All Might.

'Stop, stop it Izuku.'

"Izuku… it's okay, just let it out…" Kacchan was hugging me, I felt safe. It was better, that feeling I had while he was touching my spine through my skin flashed up yet again. Heating up my core, making me stop shivering for a split second…

That's when Aizawa Sensei and Recovery Girl stepped inside.

"You okay kiddo?" Aizawa asks, walking toward the other side of the bed while Kacchan pulls back from the tight hug he'd wrapped my body with.

"I- I honestly am not sure, Sensei…"

"Bakugou, would you mind stepping out of the room for a bit, dearie?"

Kacchan looks at Sensei as though he's pleading to stay but Sensei gestures for him to leave, he holds my hand and gives me a reassuring squeeze, "I'll be right outside, nerd." he says before he leaves and with that I'm left alone with Recovery Girl and Aizawa Sensei.

I inhale sharply, hands shaking. Getting ready for what they’re going to say. Recovery Girl sits on the doctor’s chair, while Aizawa Sensei sits on the edge of the bed across mine.

“Midoriya, listen; I know times have been rough for you, especially after what happened to All Might, I won’t tell you I know what you’re going through but I do know that you two were close… Look, anyone of us could say you’re down,”

I can’t look at him, my gaze shifts to my lap, nausea creeping up my throat; I don’t want to talk about any of this, I don’t wanna listen to how messed up I am..!

“Midoriya, dearie, have you been eating right? And I don’t mean just watching your diet, I mean have you been eating at all?” RG asks, looking through the chart at her small desk, “And how long have you been smoking for?”

Shit.

“I do eat… i-it’s just that I haven’t had the appetite lately, I suppose… ” I answer, mentally preparing myself to answer the other question, I gulp down, feeling a slight shiver, “And I’ve been smoking for over ten months now…”

I can feel Aizawa Sensei’s disapproving look stabbing daggers into me and with the exhausted exhale coming from RG as a cherry on top… I want to disappear. I know what’s going to happen next. I heard their conversation, ugh fucking hell I wanna kill myself..!

"I can't allow you to do hero work, Midoriya."

As soon as she said that, I wanted to die.

"As much as I don't approve of you missing out on hero training since I know how hard you try and it helps you cope, I can't let you get hurt,"

I bite down on my lip as I grab the feather like white sheets on top of me,  suppressing the urge to scratch my wrists till I bleed, Sensei continues.

"I won't pry in on the smoking for now, but the self harm has to stop and I will monitor your weight and your meals. You understand?"

I can't bring myself to speak up. I just silently nod. And RG speaks up once again. "I'll get your meal plan ready with LunchRush. But I have to know how much you consume in a day. And don't even say you don't know. You show all the signs of… well I know you do know so spit it out kiddo."

"400 to 500 calories…" I mumbled, and I don't know if she heard… but Aizawa Sensei sure did, he got up running a hand across his hair and sighed, I'm such a fuck-up.

"400?! Jesus kid..! And how much of it is solid food other than your protein shakes? Not to mention you burn off almost over three times of it with both the heroics class and the personal training… fuck— OUCH!"

RG just banged up her cane against my teacher's stomach… ouch indeed.

"NO CUSSING HERE!"

"Fine, fine, I apologize but Midoriya… from now on, you're forbidden from training without supervision. Alright?"

"E-Even morning runs..?"

"Don't bargain with me. And yes. And no more morning runs. You need some muscle and fat on you, you've got no room to argue as well. Now, are you alright with that?"

I nod again, hesitant. My life was already hell now its even worse.

"Yes, sir…"

This is the only thing I can control… why are they taking it away from me..?