Frailty /Depressed! Deku x Bakugou/

Chapter 26

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Izuku placed his cup of green tea on the wooden table as he sighed, he deserves to know, he told himself as he looked at Katsuki's caring eyes before talking. "I mean... we didn't talk much. She recommended a therapist, prescribed some meds and all... "

"You'll fuckin' go, right?" Katsuki asks, watching Izuku's every move, not able to get enough of him. No, he couldn't. How could he? He'd come a long way to accept how he felt about Izuku. Maybe... Facing through hell and back together had played a role, sure. But the result would've been the same, he told himself most of the time.

The little moments they had together had been marvellous, in one word. Katsuki felt like he could be honest, he felt he could be himself around Izuku. He just hoped Izuku felt the same way.

"Yeah... it's just... ugh forget it. It's stupid." Izuku turned his head to the other side, looking at nowhere in particular. "It's not fucking stupid, Izuku. You know you can talk to me." he sighed, then drew a sharp breath.

"It's really hard to open up. When I do, I feel vulnerable. Feels like I've just bled for hours when I do. The truth is... I want to get better, I really really wanna but I'm also terrified. I've always had my... issues, so I don't know who I'll be if I do get better. Does that make sense?"

Katsuki nods, sure, he doesn't understand it, not to the extent Izuku would've understood him if he were the one who spoke but he was willing to try. "To me, it sounds like your problems have become a part of your personality and you feel like you'd lose your identity without them." It was an educated guess and a darn good one. While he doubted he got it right, Izuku's eyes had sparked.

"E-Exactly..!"

Knowing someone understood you was the one feeling Izuku had grown attached to. Being the voice for his dark and twisted thoughts but phrasing it all too well... The reality was however, he never opened up to others. Not in the proper sense.

For so long, especially since he started UA, he had found comfort in helping people through their troubles. It was better that way. But deep down, he knew. Izuku knew all too well why he was breaking himself apart to help others.

Playing hero and destroying his body was a way for him to feel like he was worth something while helping people was the comfort he hoped to be given back. If he helped people then maybe, just maybe he could help himself as well.

A self-portrait he had drawn of himself. The happy, goody-two-shoes! It was fun while he didn't have any actual problems. Fun and comforting. He could lie to others and himself. He could just pretend.

Until he couldn't.

A facade drawn that well, perfected over the years had been shattered over a single battle. Maybe that was a lie, too. Maybe he had been facing all sorts of battles one after the other. The war with All for One and Shigaraki had just been the finishing punch.

Izuku shook his head. He couldn't think about Shigaraki. If he did, then he would start hearing his voice. Nagging, whining, screaming..! Izuku hated that. Izuku hated Shigaraki. Izuku hated everything about him. Hated. Hated. Hated. HATED--

Before he knew it, he was itching again.

That's when it hit it.

Hate.

"-zuku. Izuku!" Izuku's head bobbed up, curls raising from and stopping the shadow cast over his eyes. "I know that look. You just realised something, didn't you?"

"I know what triggers Shigaraki's quirk. It's not about me hearing his voice. It's about me feeling the way he feels. Feeling-"

"Hate..." Katsuki finished the other's sentence. "Holy shit."