Frailty /Depressed! Deku x Bakugou/

Chapter 9

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Izuku sat across Aizawa, looking at the light meal of fish, rice and some salad... Well, it was light to his Sensei, for his student all he could see was the rice that stood pure with a count of 200 calories per cup whilst the salmon sat proudly beside it with a winning count of over 210 calories per hundred grams, Izuku estimated.

He felt nervous with Aizawa's hand reaching for his chopsticks, signalling that they could eat now. Izuku shifted his gaze to his watch over his bandages, 7.45 pm, he gulped. It was too late to eat anything at all for him.

"Well, remember our deal at least half of everything should be gone, okay?"

"Y-Yeah..."

The greenette grabbed his chopsticks, fingers cold and hands shaky. He inhaled, he could do this. Nothing he hadn't done before, right? He also does this whenever he goes to visit his mum... Shouldn't be a sweat...

Not to mention the egg toast n' the protein shake for breakfast and the caesar salad he had for lunch, fuck.

"If you'd like, I can tell you about my capture gear?"

And the energy bar Kacchan forced me to have before heroics class... I ate too much.

Wait his capture gear? No way..!

"S-Sure, I suppose. It always helps me eat whenever I don't want to, distracting myself works." Izuku says, hesitant at first, still asking himself if its the right thing to tell his teacher about all this.

He feels vulnerable.

Weak.

Fragile.

Both Katsuki and Aizawa treat him like he could be blown away with a strong wind, or he could break any second. But the part Izuku hated the most was where he knew they were right.

He was sick.

He felt sick. God, who thought someone got mad at him because of the belly or the thicker thighs he had or convinced himself that someone was being rude because him and it was because the person could see how fat he was? It didn't make sense. It doesn't and it never would.

But to Izuku it was a completely different story. He made himself belive all those things. He was the one who did this to himself. He was the one who starved himself. He was the one who smoked every time his breath hitched. He was the one who stopped taking care of himself.

Idiot.

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.

.

"I'm full."

He put his chopsticks down, wiping his mouth as he avoided Aizawa's gaze and just stared down at his lap.

The man sighed as soon as he glanced at the plate. Recovery Girl had said Izuku might do this...

The plate was a mess.

The pieces of salmon reduced to the smallest amounts and scattered around the plate, same with the rice but in slightly bigger pieces, even the damn peppers in the salad, really, kid? Yeah. Izuku had taken out the peppers from his salad bowl.

It doesn't matter, I'm fine with the cucumbers, they actually mostly consist of water so they're fine, the tomatoes as well but the pepper? There's gotta be at least two in there which would add upto 48 calories.

Fucking calories.

"Alright, at least you ate half of everything, I suppose..." Izuku didn't say anything, he just wanted to smoke right at this very moment. He could feel his left hand shaking. He wanted to be alone. Or maybe he just wanted to smoke. He didn't wanna purge, he already felt disgusting from eating all this fucking food, he was forced to do so... what other choice did he have, honestly..!

"I-I'm gonna go now then, may I be excused?"

"Depends on where you're going."

He just wanted to smoke already..! But how good of an idea was to be on his own if he didn't wanna purge? Sure he didn't wanna throw up but what about exercise? He could purge through exercise! 'A little run down the beach wouldn't be so bad...'

"A run?"

Izuku gulped. He had mumbled, again. Izuku hates mumbling, it always gives him away.

"I thought I had made myself clear that you weren't allowed to train unsupervised."

Izuku sighed, just as he was about to protest, Aizawa continued,

"However, if you'd like, we can have a walk on the beach. That way I can make sure you're safe and, I can't believe I'm saying this, you can walk off some of what you've eaten at dinner."

Izuku flashed an excited smile, he liked this idea.

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—IZUKU

This place brought back memories... we walked to the beach from UA's campus, as Sensei promised but I still haven't gotten the courage to ask if I could just smoke. Fuck. I hate this. When did I become such an addict?!

"Aizawa-sensei, can I u-um—"

"You can smoke, problem child."

My hands were shaking, Kacchan didn't let me smoke all day although I did manged to have one this morning...

I fished my pack and lighter out of my pocket, and put a cigar between my lips, ugh they still feel oily from the salmon despite wiping my mouth, it's fucking disgusting-

A rush of relief through my body as my heart sped up with the smoke reaching my lungs at last.

—

"Toshinori-san? Have you ever smoked..? Don't get me wrong, I don't think of smoking, like at all but I was just curious and-" Izuku rambled, for some rational reason he thought All Might would get the wrong idea, which he begged that wouldn't be the outcome.

"Pffh!" Yagi laughed, he sometimes forgot Izuku was still under 18, "Of course I have Izuku-kun! But I was only about your age and it was out of curiosity. People used to smoke a lot more; thinking it was something good or cool I suppose;"

"But like I said, some of my friends were smoking and I got curious so I tried one which ended up with my coughing and embarrassing myself."

Izuku let out a giggle, then looked down. His dad used to smoke as well. Izuku can recall a distant memory of him lightning his cigar with his breath while drinking in the balcony with his mom. He didn't even remember how old he was at this point.

"But don't smoke. Try and embarrass yourself? Sure! But don't do it, once you start, especially out of misery or despair... it's quiet likely you won't be able to quit."

"Y-Yeah..."

—

We walked in a comfortable silence while I smoked two cigarettes along the way and I got dizzy at some point which Sensei noticed and forced me to sit on a bench.

I pulled out another one and just as I was about to lit it up,

"Give me one too."

I hesitantly stretched out my arm to hand him the pack, he took one out and I lit his cigar as soon as he inhaled he laughed quietly, "You smoke Night Blues? How can you even run without catching your breath, shit kid."

I looked at him in pure shock, how did he know that with one inhale?!

"Don't look so surprised, I was a teenager once too, you know." He says and leans back, blowing out the smoke. I can see the outline of it dancing through the night sky, fuck am I really romanticizing some fucking smoke.

"Yeah, you're right Sensei..." I breathe out, leaning back myself but my legs were still shaking, shit.

"But don't you dare tell anyone, got it? And especially not Hizashi."

"H-Hai, Sensei..!"