Cherries

Chapter 8

Adam

My world had shifted.

First in a good way.

Now... not so much.

I thought we were building something. The trust she had shown in me that awful day, when she had reached out with bloodied arms for help, made me sure that she'd felt something. I had shown her that she could depend on me and that I'd never hurt her, because she meant something. I was almost overwhelmed when she buried herself against my chest whilst she cried, sure that she could feel my heart thundering away, because it meant something. I was so incredibly proud of the positive progress she was now making, seeing Nikki, training hard and more importantly that beautiful smile had returned and that meant everything. But something had changed. That shy smile she gifted me was almost nonexistent, instead her focus seemed to be always on the floor, a slight scowl on her gorgeous face. I missed it. I missed it more than I would admit. And I missed her. The way she was making me feel. The warmth of her. The need to have her close. The desire to make sure she was safe. I needed to find out what the fuck was going on.

We start on the final lap of the park at a steady pace. Our usual Friday routine is the same but the easy banter between us is painfully quiet and when she does speak, it feels forced or is about the fucking weather. We slow to a walk as we cross the car park, and I internally cringe at the memory of our first meeting when I almost punched her. I need to take things slowly with her and try and avoid giving her any more reasons to withdraw from me. Not that I even fucking know what I've done in the first place.

"Summer..." I ask quietly and gently take her wrist so she doesn't walk further away from me. She looks back at me, slightly shocked and almost ready to lock up those emotional walls that she does without any hesitation.

"Is everything alright?" I tentatively ask.

"With what?"

I search her eyes and it's easy to see that she knows exactly what I'm talking about. Time to push a bit more. She's trusted me before and I'm just hoping she'll trust me now.

"With us."

"Us?"

I can't help but sigh at her question with a tinge of frustration. I know she fucking feels something between us. At the very least trust, friendship, a growing bond as she navigates her way through the trauma she's experienced. I try my best to reign myself in and be mindful of all she's gone through and what she's achieved of late...but...

"Yes...us! You and me Summer. I thought...well...I thought we had something. A fucking friendship here... but you... you..." I pace in frustration.

"I what...?" She asks with a quiet voice.

"You barely fucking speak to me Summer. You can barely even look at me. I thought we... I just thought you trusted me... so what the fuck did I do? What happened?" My breathing is heavy and not because of our jogging. I'm scared to hear her answer but I can't go on not knowing. It's fucking killing me.

She's looking everywhere but at me. The ground, her fingers that are nervously wringing together, her face flushed, hair a sweaty mess, but she still looks beautiful. Breathtaking actually.

"Summer... please tell me."

She finally looks straight at me. It feels like she's drilling into my soul. Her eyes are so expressive as she looks at me, with uncertainty and trepidation. Like what she's thinking about is going to be difficult to say. That it might just shatter the delicate balance between us, which is already shaky as it is. We have a lot to lose but the possibilities of what we might gain... I can't afford to think that far ahead. Seconds tick pass and I just try and patiently wait for her to gather herself enough to tell me.

"I'm....I'm....trying," she takes a deep shuddering breath as she gazes at me thoughtfully. I nod my head and wait for her to finish. Please mia piccola ladra...just trust me, tell me what's going on, I silently say.

"I'm... trying to figure you out." She says quietly and for the briefest of seconds her gorgeous eyes fall from my eyes, to my mouth, then to the ground. Blink and I would have missed it. I dare my own glance to her lips and down further to her neck... seeing the flush of red and I wonder if it's from our run or something else entirely. Fuck.

"Summer... what do you mean?"

I don't think she'll say the words I'm suddenly desperate to hear. That perhaps she feels...like she wants something more... from me... for us. I look at her closely and realise that whatever she feels about us, she's not ready to talk about, her body language giving all the signs of shutting down. After waiting for what feels like an eternity, she finally looks back up at me again. I'm so fucking tempted to reach out and touch her, encase her completely in my arms, hold her until she finally feels safe and convinced that I'd never hurt her... or possibly ever let her go. That I'd show her all the things she'd ever want to know about me... but I can't. Not now. Not here. She's going through so much pain in her life. I don't want to be a complication. But I can give her the answers she wants, but it's a fucking gamble....

"You wanna figure out who I am huh?" I smile at her with sincerity. It's not hard. Honesty is incredibly easy when I'm with her. I step a little closer and she looks at me expectantly, the tiniest little tilt of her mouth suggests a smile is coming. I take advantage of the lifting of the tension between us, and boldly take her hand in mine. The size difference is laughable but it feels so good to touch her, my thumb rolling circles over her knuckles.

"Well, you can't really do that if you're not talking to me, can you?" I don't wait for her answer.

"But... you know the best way to really know someone? It's to see them around their family. Where they come from. My folks are having a Sunday lunch this weekend. For family and friends. So... you wanna maybe come with me?  Plenty of time to figure me out..."

I hold my fucking breath.

I hold her hand, look at her gorgeous browns and wait for her reaction.

She's thoughtful and takes her time.

It's fucking killing me.

She slowly gives me a genuine smile and nods her head, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

It takes fucking everything in me to not lean towards her and drop my mouth on hers. And whilst I'm fucking thrilled she said yes, my heart feels like it's beating out of my fucking chest. I need to get my shit back under control. The last thing I want is to take any backward steps by pushing her too fast.

But, I feel like we have moved forward. The shift  of my world is back to being a good thing.