Cherries

Chapter 4

Summer

The training is probably the best thing about my life right now. I'm still finding Friday's difficult but Adam does everything he can to help me get the most out of our sessions. He opens the gym early, we walk the track at the park, then jog a lap, increasing the intensity as my fitness improves. It's just us back at the gym so I don't need to worry about unexpected strangers and constantly watching my back. I'm doing some light boxing, working on my stance, balance and technique. Everything I learn, I can easily replicate at home so the improvements are coming along nicely. With Adam's constant encouragement, I'm considering joining the small self defence class that runs on a Wednesday morning but I can't help that whenever I think about it, I can feel my heart rate spiral into a pounding, uncontrollable beat. There will be people I don't know, I may have to talk to them, there may be physical contact and I just don't know if I will be capable of... well... all of that.

"Hey! Where'd you go?" Adam's deep voice pulls me suddenly out of the void I'd slipped into. I glance over to see him standing, arms crossed in front of his massive chest, a slight hint of a smile on his face, and he nods his head back towards the punching bag, suggesting without words that I get my head back into training.

"Sorry," I say quietly, duck my head and turn around to refocus on the bag.

He lets out a quiet sigh but I can feel the warmth in his tone. "You don't have to apologise to me, mia piccola ladra, take your time."

I look back at him as his foreign words surprise me, but I'm not confident enough to ask what he just called me. It sounded friendly. It sounded nice. It doesn't seem to matter too much as I study his face, unable to pull my gaze away from him, losing myself to a completely different void. Probably only a few seconds pass by but I can't tamper down the flush I feel as I realise I'm staring. He just patiently waits, a small smile on his handsome face, as I gather myself again, and focus back on the punching bag.

Our session goes along really well and when Adam finally calls it a day, I'm sweaty, hot and slightly out of breath, but it feels good, like I'm achieving something, gaining some control back in my life, however small the steps may be, I can feel the progress. Adam never pushes me too far or fast, seeming to instinctively know what I need and for that I'm so very grateful. I haven't told him that, but I think he knows some of the impact he's having just with the fact that I'm able to get myself here every week. I have less and less hesitation when I pull up in my car, that familiarity of the gym calming my anxiety, and the familiarity of Adam's presence too. He's created a comfortable bubble for me to gain some confidence, but I know that the next step is breaking away from our one on one sessions and joining a group session. Live isn't a bubble. It isn't safe and sure and protected. It's brutal and unfair and devastating. And it's time for me to be fucking brave.

Adam grabs my gloved hands and starts unwrapping the bindings.

"So....Adam," I start with a little hesitation in my voice. He looks down at me with those piercing eyes, patiently waiting for me to continue.

"I'd... umm, like to try the Wednesday morning class. If there's room for me."

It has been an unfathomable length of time since anyone has looked at me the way Adam is now... with a broad, genuine smile and pride. My extended family and my few friends, have been nothing but supportive of me over the nightmare of my life over the last eighteen months. I appreciate them all with everything I have, but I've become so accustomed to the way they look at me, that it's become my normal. Pity, sadness and sorrow. To be looked at with something else has me utterly transfixed as I try and process how good it feels.

"Of course there's room for you. I'm so fucking proud of you Summer," he grins at me whilst undoing my gloves. I get the feeling he wants to do more, but realises quickly that any physical praise might be too much for me. Whilst we are revelling in the quiet moment together, neither of us hear the front doors of the gym opening and the two sets of feet traipsing toward us.

I look up and get a shock to see two guys staring at me. They're in workout gear so obviously here to train. I've never seen them before, but then again, Adam's bubble means I actually haven't come across anyone here at the gym yet. The hair at the back of my neck bristles. The guys both grin at me and not so subtly look me slowly up and down. Adam notices me tensing and looks around to where my eyes are trained.

"Oh, hey guys," he greets them casually, but not pausing with my gloves. He slips one off and frowns at my now shaking hand.

A gravelly voice prickles up my spine. "So... now we know why you get here so early Adam. Hiding away all the talent, hey man."

Adam's frown deepens. My other glove is removed and drops to the floor. His hands grip both of mine, squeezing gently as the trembling intensifies. He knows I'm tethering on the edge. I would have thought that my normal instinct to pull away from his touch would have immediately kicked in. His hands on mine feels warm. It feels gentle. I squeeze his hands back but feel too overwhelmed to look up, knowing that he is probably studying me for any understanding as to what was happening. Why my reaction was so intense. He doesn't question it but his response is to create distance and as quickly as possible.

"How about you two just move on to the ring," the strong suggestion in his tone not convincing the two guys to move just yet. My eyes are darting between Adam, the guys, my hands and the floor. I don't really understand what I'm reacting to, but my gut instinct is telling me all I need to know. I don't like these guys. I don't like how their predatory eyes are looking at me. My brain is telling me something but I don't know if I should trust that instinct or if it's a product of my anxiety. My heart is pounding away but Adam's hold on my hands is keeping me in place.

"Fucking cherries. What's your name gorgeous?"

My brain flips over and over again. A nagging feeling nips and tugs at me, but I can't focus on what it means. My breathing becomes heavier and my skin prickles and itches. I bite my lip hard, trying to hold in any sounds. Be quiet. Be quiet. Be quiet.

Adam drops my hands, pivoting to face the guys and now has his back to me. I shrink back instinctively, effectively hiding myself behind his massive frame.

"That's enough Slade. Have some fucking respect. You're here to train, so go ahead and get started."

I can feel the tension in the air escalate. I don't understand why these two don't just move along. I look up slowly and see the rise and fall of Adam's back, shoulders tense, hands subtly flexing. I don't overthink my actions as I reach out my hand and touch the back of his shirt. I was close enough to notice his breathing hitch ever so slightly at my touch. My hand closes around his shirt and I grip it in a tight fist.

"We're just fucking with ya' Adam," the second guy sounds even more sly. "We'll get her name some other time...See ya' round gorgeous. Let's go Slade."

I shouldn't look. I really shouldn't look. But I peer around Adam and wished I hadn't. They're both walking towards the boxing ring but both sets of eyes are locked on me. Calculating. Slade winks at me and the second guy licks his lips. I fist Adam's shirt even tighter and look away from their frightening faces and disgusting gestures.

Adam turns slowly, so as not to scare me anymore than what I already am. I let go of his shirt and take a shaky step away, breaking the contact that was grounding me. He thankfully takes back my hand in his and I exhale a breath. His touch is reassuring and for the second time, I don't have any instinct to pull away. But I need to explain why I so unexpectedly touched him, even though I'm not even sure myself.

"I'm... I'm... sorry for touch..." I stammer but he cuts me off, talking quietly even though the guys have moved to the far side of the gym. "Don't ever apologise for touching me if it makes you feel safer." He looks at me so thoughtfully. "I wouldn't ever let anything happen to you. You're always safe with me Summer."

His thumbs run circles over my knuckles. I know that he knows about some of the details of my story. Rogers told me that part of the program here relies on knowing the background of the clients. I know he's doing his best to reassure me, that nothing bad can happen but I know that's not entirely true. I know because I've lived it. The trauma of having a life ripped away from you in the blink of an eye.