Cherries

Chapter 31

Summer

The perfect summer's day no longer has that heated bite, although the effect of the setting sun across the ocean is still absolutely breathtaking. My toes sink into the sand, the water laps around my ankles and the warm breeze ruffles my dress, as I walk back toward home. I take my time, enjoying the peaceful calm all around me. In these quiet moments I reflect on how far I've come over the last few years. It has been far from easy, but the confidence I feel is testament to how hard I've worked and that the sacrifices I've made have not been in vain.

When faced with extreme circumstances, you learn a lot about yourself. I count myself fortunate that I had incredible support along the way, but what I really needed was to stand up on my own. I had to learn what it meant to be brave enough to do what I thought was right, even if it meant that others disagreed. I learnt to be confident in my decisions, without overthinking or second guessing myself. I learnt to rely upon myself first, before even considering leaning on anybody else. I guess that has meant that I've isolated myself somewhat, but that has been my journey to being a better, more resilient person, and one that I am proud of.

I kick up the water as I walk along the shallows, the beach now quiet as the families have packed away and headed home for the day. The breeze picks up slightly and feels a little cooler as the sun sinks lower toward the horizon. The chatter of dinner and drinks sound from the beachfront homes and the delicious smells of food cooking wafts through the air. Windows and doors are left open as the coolness of the night is welcomed after a hot day. Families and friends enjoying each other's company, loving life, feeling safe and happy with each other.

I look to the ocean and smile to myself, allowing myself to remember how much stronger of mind I've become. I absolutely refuse to let any thoughts of loneliness or self doubt creep in. I firmly believe that my time will come. Things will work out for the best and I have no desire to be afraid that life won't happen exactly as it's supposed to. I just wish fate would hurry the fuck up sometimes.

I turn to walk further up the beach, along the softer sand. It feels nice to slow down and take my time to appreciate all of the things I have accomplished in the last few weeks in particular. With Holly's impeccable research and making the successful bid on my behalf, I was able to move immediately into my new home straight from my early release from Silver Burch. A gorgeous two story house by the beach, with amazing views from each room, a manageable garden and a beautiful deck looking out to the ocean.

I couldn't be more grateful for Sandra's incredible personal reference she wrote for me. I'm convinced that she was the main reason that I landed a counselling position at the local school. My studies during my time inside, sometimes felt useless, but Sandra always encouraged me to keep going, that it might open doors of opportunity that I had never considered before. To be able to help others with trauma or anxiety or countless other issues, meant a great deal to me and doing this job was deeply rewarding. I did feel a certain pressure, but with guidance from my supervisor and other colleagues I am confident that I can make a difference in this impressionable and challenging time of the students lives.

I can now also appreciate that similar counselling would have perhaps helped me with my own long list of issues. I guess that's why my sessions at Silver Burch were so intense and mandatory at five times a week in the early days. Gave me the best chance possible to sort my shit out.

A job. A house. A better, more positive outlook on life. Who would have thought that I would have gotten to this point, after all of the trauma I've experienced. The very best and the very worst decisions of my life have led me here, to this better place. Would I have preferred an easier path... probably... but would it have resulted in the same outcome... who knows. One thing that I am positive about is the pride I am sure Finn would be feeling for me now. That pride was surely tested at times, especially when I took that gun into my hands, shaking with fear and anger and revenge. A lot of my counselling revolved around my murdered fiancé, that terrible night when his life was taken, and the resulting devastation of us never fulfilling our dreams of a life together. Much of my grief was largely unresolved as I struggled with depression, anxiety, PTSD and the overwhelming fear of the loss of control over anything and everything in my life. So I had to work my way through all of those issues, become strong enough to overcome the pain and grief, and to move on positively with my new goals. Although my love for Finn has never wavered, I feel like my heart has always had enough room for more.

The wind suddenly whips up some sand and stings the back of my bare legs, and it forces me to skip along a few steps to get home a little faster. As quickly as it came, the harsh breeze drops again and I frown in confusion at mother nature's insistence that I move along.

I round the last sweeping bend of the beach and in the distance my house comes into view. I drop my gaze to the sand and make my way steadily along, looking forward to a quiet night of a nice bath, some dinner and perhaps a movie.

The curious breeze picks up again and a sudden gust sweeps up directly into my face, forcing me to look up and brush my hair away from my face.
I stop walking briefly and my eyes flicker to the deck at the back of my house, which is now quite close and in full view. The setting sun is casting shadows but not enough for me to miss the sight of the man casually leaning against the deck.

My breath hitches, my heart pounds a bit harder and my feet are rooted in place.

Black t-shirt, grey shorts, long dark hair tied back, big arms crossed over his chest, eye's dark and locked onto me, his expression... unreadable.

Adam.