Cherries

Chapter 22

Adam

She's just scared. That's completely understandable. I'm scared too. We both know that she'll be sentenced soon but for me, that's doesn't change anything about how I feel about her. Or my visions and hopes for a future with her.

I re-enter the hospital ward floor after giving her space yesterday. I knock gently on her hospital room door and wait, not sure about what sort of response I'm going to get. One thing is for certain, I am not giving up on us. My feelings for her are more than anything I've ever felt before, and I will follow her to the ends of the earth if I have to.

There's no answer to my knocking so I slowly push the door open. The room is empty and a sinking awful feeling hits my chest. I spin around and walk back to the nurses station and approach the kind looking lady behind the counter.

"Hi...umm, I'm just wondering where Summer Sands has been moved to?" I ask cautiously.

The nurse looks up at me with a touch of sympathy in her eyes.

"Sorry honey, she assaulted a staff member last night. She's locked down in the high security ward. No visitors I'm afraid."

I'm momentarily stunned. That doesn't sound like my Summer at all. But, in her own stubborn way, this action has just made it impossible for anyone to reach out to her, especially me. It solidifies her determination to do this all on her own. Her stifling anxieties are crippling her ability to make decisions as she has experienced firsthand that people in your life can be taken away in the blink of an eye. She refuses to accept any help or support from those that care about her most, just in case, when she might start depending on them, they won't be there. She doesn't want us near, that needing people somehow makes her weak, but she doesn't realise that together we are all stronger. She doesn't see the amazing impact she's had on the people around her. That her perseverance and strength and kindness is appreciated by all the people that know her. I wish she could see herself the way we do. The way I do. But I'm petrified that it's all too late.

I call Rogers first. He'd heard about the assault and was as surprised as I was, but when I briefly explained what happened yesterday, it made more sense. She was deliberately isolating herself. He couldn't intervene with hospital protocol so that was a dead end. He did give me her lawyer's number so perhaps I could at least get a message to her. I called and left a voicemail which was probably for the best. It gave me time to think about what I should say to her.

I will never be ready or willing to say goodbye to you.

Two days later and I'm frantic. It's her court day and although her lawyer, Holly said she'd passed the message on, I've heard nothing. Although I'm trying my hardest to hold it together, my frustration is slowly morphing into anger. Angry that she could dismiss me so easily. Angry that she ignored that we both had feelings for each other. Angry that she just fucking gave up on us. I just want to fucking punch something but I'm here, in my suit, in the courtroom, waiting for her case to be heard. I know that she's not here as Holly explained the court had allowed her to appear online due to her injuries. But I feel a desperate need to see her, even if it's just on a fucking screen.

The time drags by painfully slowly, but eventually the screen is turned on, her lawyer is at her desk and the judge presides at her raised bench. The proceedings take some time, the language often difficult to understand but at least I can see her. She looks tired, her eyes are sadly dark and void of much emotion. Her teeth continually bite down on her lip, to stop the quivering as she listens carefully to the voices in the courtroom. The prosecution is swift to voice their expectation of the possible consequences of Summer's actions and subsequent arrest. Holly argues some critical elements in relation to her mental state during the lead up and at the time of the incident. She is careful with her words, as I was told that there are some crucial aspects that she can't mention as it might impact the case and the overlap with Colt and Slades trial, being held in a few weeks.

Eventually, the judge reaches a decision and as expected, Summer is to be incarcerated in the medium security ward at Silver Burch Hospital. What brings me to my breaking point is the time... two years. Two years without her. Two years of her being gone. Two years of her doing this on her own. Two fucking years.

My dad drives us back to their place. I can't remember even leaving the courthouse, the rest of the sentencing process just a blur. I'm passed from person to person, friends and family, some hugging me, others patting me on the back, trying to console me as we all try and absorb the painful reality. That one crazy decision, brought about by extreme circumstances, has led to my Summer being locked away for two long lonely years of her life. Someone shoves a drink in my hand and I knock it back quickly, welcoming the burn of liquor in my throat. I can feel eyes on me and turn to see Nikki studying me closely from the kitchen. Great. She can analyse the fuck out of me all she wants, nothing can really stop me spiralling out of control for the foreseeable future anyway.

"Adam... I need to tell you something," Nikki approaches me cautiously, as if what she is about to say will hurt me more, if that's even possible.

"I applied to the court. And I got the approval to be on her mental health team, at the hospital." It sounds like good news. There's a link between us now. Something to hold on to, a way to communicate.

"That's good, right?" I'm not sure why she seems so hesitant.

"It is good Adam. But the court has strict guidelines and rules in place. To protect her privacy and any information about her rehabilitation."

I nod my head in support of those decisions.

"It means I can't tell you anything Adam. Nothing. I can't pass any messages on or even tell you when I'm due to see her. Nothing."

I just stare at her. In disbelief. In reality I know she's right in what she's saying, but in my current headspace it just doesn't seem fair and it actually fucking infuriates me. My limit is officially reached and I lose my shit at her.

"Then if you're not here to fucking support me, then why the fuck are you here?" I shout her down and using my size and muscle, I crowd her back towards the front door.

"Please understand me Adam. I just want to help but I'm not jeopardising her sentencing conditions for you or anybody else. I hope you'll come to accept that." She turns quickly and leaves. Good fucking riddance.

I stomp back into the kitchen and grab the whisky bottle, ignoring my mums distressed voice and make my way outside, determined to find any way out of this nightmare.