Cherries

Chapter 30

Adam

Whoever came up with the saying 'a bundle of nerves,' is a total lying dipshit. It's more like a river. No, a torrent. No, a fucking tsunami. My face is flushed and my palms are sweaty, despite the air conditioner being cranked up high. The space in my car seems to be shrinking, as I try and control my breathing. I run my fingers through my hair for the millionth time, making it feel slightly wet and greasy. I close my eyes for a slow count to twenty, trying to focus on the positives of where I am, what I'm about to do, and who I'm about to see.

The last time I saw her was via a screen as she appeared in court from her hospital room. Where she took full responsibility for her actions and accepted the judges decision to send her away for two years. To pay her debt to society for shooting that murderer, and to hopefully find herself in a better place mentally, once her time was over.

The last time I spoke to her was in that hospital, before she was shifted to a higher security ward. It's not a conversation that I enjoy thinking about. The hurt we were both feeling ultimately ripped us apart. She did what she felt was obviously for the best, pushing me away from her and the shitful situation. Forcing me to step well away from everything and rationally decide what I really wanted. As if that was ever a fucking question. She was always what I wanted.

So here I am, sitting in my car, in the car park at Silver Burch Hospital, shitting myself about the prospect of seeing her again after such a long time. But I need this to happen. I need it to happen now. It's been too long and I want to reestablish the connection between us. It's the only way to be sure if we both want the same things. To have the conversation about where we are headed and how things will look for us when we're both on the 'outside.' I just can't wait to see her, look at her, study her beautiful face, get lost in those gorgeous browns. I've missed that. Her eyes. Her smile. Her laugh. I take a final moment, turn off the car, open my door and step out.

I stand patiently at the waiting area, admiring the flowers on the receptionist desk, a small smile creeping up on me as I silently thank Daisy's talents. The young woman at the desk glances up at me, waiting for me to speak.

"...I'm... I'm here to see a..a patient. Ms Sands," her name rolling off my tongue more confidently. The woman look's away to her computer screen, then back at me, her face a mixture of confusion and intrigue. The seconds tick by as she looks around as if she's unsure what to do or say.

"Is there... a problem...or...?" I ask her.

As I try and make some sense of what's happening, an older woman enters the office from another door, and she looks straight at me with a smile.

"I'd recognise that voice anywhere. It's good to finally meet you Adam. I'm Sandra Gallon."

We retreat into Sandra's office and I notice another stunning bouquet of flowers on her immaculate desk. She is a woman who insists on strict order, that much is obvious. Although this is the first time we've met face to face, after months of many conversations over the phone, I feel comfortable in her presence. A sense of calm and reassurance washes over me and I relax in the leather seat ready to get any formalities out of the way, before I can see Summer.

"So...what brings you here today Adam?" She cuts right to the point, which is so typically characteristic of her.

I can't help but smile at how good it feels to answer her with conviction and confidence.

"I'm here to see Summer."

Sandra stares at me with a frighteningly blank poker face of an expression, but a few seconds later, the bravado drops and a look of pained sadness takes over.

Somethings wrong.

I can feel the second my heart rate kicks up a notch.

"What is it?"

She just looks at me before reaching into a cabinet behind her and bringing out a large box.

We know each other well enough to be blunt about it.

"Don't go soft on me now Sandra. Just tell me what the fuck is going on."

"Adam."

Her eye contact with me break's and her focus is now on the box in front of her. She hesitantly lifts the lid and I see the piles and piles of envelopes inside. Letters. Of all shapes and sizes and colours. Hundreds of them probably. She drifts her hand across the top of them, flicking a few with her fingernails.

"She's gone Adam."

She looks back at me, almost trying to steady herself for the crazed reaction she's about to get from me. My brain feels like it's short circuiting as I try to understand the meaning behind her words.

"Gone. What do you mean? Gone? Gone where?"

"Early release. Six weeks ago."

The air whooshes from my lungs and I grip the arms of the chair so hard just to try and keep myself grounded. I blink at Sandra thinking that I must be in some fucked up alternate universe or I'm still in bed at home and this is one fucked up dream. Either way it's all fucked.

"I'm sorry that you had to find out like this Adam. I really am." Her words sound slightly muffled, like I have cotton wool in my ears. I shake my head trying to unblock them, trying to understand what she just told me.

Six weeks ago.

Sandra opens up another drawer, places two glasses on top of the desk, unscrews the lid on a bottle of Glenfiddich and pours us a finger each. I don't make a habit of drinking at this time of day but the bombshell she just dropped has already fried more than a few of my brain cells, so what's killing a few more gonna do?

I knock back the whiskey in one go. My blurry focus drifts back to the box of letters and suddenly I know they're hers. I pull out a random envelope and sure enough, that unmistakeable loopy handwriting is on the front.

To Adam.

"I'm sure you'll find the right time to read all of these. I get the feeling that they'll be full of the same thoughts and emotions that your letters probably were. But, the most important letter...Adam... is the last one," her words ring in my ears as I try and process the last few minutes, so much so that I'm dizzy.

She hands me a plain white envelope. I draw in a deep breath, my hand shakes slightly as I reach out to take it from her. I look from the envelope to her face and she has the most amazing smile. Lips, teeth and eyes are all shiny and beautiful. She shakes her head slowly, never wavering her sincere gaze from mine. I know I can trust her in this situation. She has my back and she will be nothing but honest with me.

"I've never known anyone quite like you Adam. I've never seen anyone so ridiculously stubborn in their pursuit of their happy ending. And I hope with all my heart, that you find it," she blinks back a smiling tear.

"Take your time dear." She leans back in her chair.

I smile back at her, the woman that unknowingly has played an integral part in our story. The woman who facilitated the link when she wasn't obligated to, but said yes anyway. Whatever happens next, I have a very important thank you to plan for this incredible lady.

Refocusing back to the envelope which is now in my hands, it feels like this is a monumental moment. Despite my initial disappointment with the news of her early release, and not being there for her when she walked out to her freedom, my resolve to not give up on her and us has not wavered.

I turn the envelope over and tear it open. There is a key and one slip of paper with an address.

X.