White Lily (Dazai Osamu x gn! Reader)

Inhuman

"Mine has been a life of much shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being."

- Dazai, Osamu (No Longer Human)

They say only the strong get to choose their end.

They say one can only experience joy when they've known pain.

They say that pain is the essence of a human being.

So then why...Why are you the only one who can't feel it? This pain: The pain of knowing no pain. And the raw fear and fascination that stem from it.

Your Gift, White Lily, grants you total invulnerability from all injuries and complications in health. You've never gotten sick. Never broken a bone. Never gotten a splinter. Never even bled.

You can't say for sure you even know the color of your own blood. You are invincible to it all. They say that change is a constant? But it's as if the world hardly even acknowledges you're there. Forever unchanging-Eternally unable to. That is the kind of existence you lead.

"There goes another boring day. Mafia this. Kill that. Report in. Man...give me a break already."

You slump over on your couch, sinking into the old, shabby cushioning. Getting comfortable, you toss your bloodstained blazer on the floor, along with your black necktie- the standard attire for the Port Mafia. You let out a tired sigh.

"Hah...What would I do to leave the mafia already?"

These past months in the mafia weren't what you'd wanted them to be. Day in and day out it's the same thing: Assassinate this. Negotiate that. Infiltrate this. Carry out that. You are tired of it. There's no satisfaction in this like you'd intended. It's just manual labor and odd tasks.

It's alright though. You'll be gone soon.

For the longest time, you've been trying to find this satisfaction that everyone feels. It's that reward that people get from accomplishing something-as a result of struggling. For some reason...you just don't seem to get it. As the seasons pass, you lose more and more hope that you'll find some sort of satisfaction in this kind of life and that you will be able to change yourself.

Your eyelids begin growing heavy. You allow them to shut as you slowly descend into the dream realm. All that could be heard was the sound of soft snoring.

"Shoot. What time is it?" You glance up at the silent clock on your wall. 3:24 am. With a huff, you force yourself to sit up. How fun.

"Okay. 1...2...3." With great mental effort, you manage to haul yourself up off the couch and grope around in the darkness. Your hands eventually find the light switch, and the room becomes bright.

"Here's to another day I guess."

"Why, hello (Y/N). It's very nice to see you're in good health, though, I suppose that's never not been the case, right?" A man in a dark black cloak and an uncanny smile sits at the back of a grandiose room within Port Mafia HQ: Ogai Mori.

"Hi, boss." You saunter into the room with a neutral expression. Your footsteps reverberate throughout the room with each move you make. You notice a guy about your age standing by Mori's desk. With an eye wrapped up in bandages, he stares at you blankly as you walk in. It's almost chillling. You ignore him however as you come to a stop right in front of Mori's desk.

"Enjoying the mafia life thus far?"

"It's not what I expected." You answer bluntly.

"Haha, I see. You'll grow used to it." Mori responds.

"Fair enough. Anyway, what do you want me to do this time?"

"My, my, anxious to get to work today, are we (Y/n)?" He chuckles. You nod hesitantly in response, while dying internally. "You're always so serious, (Y/n). Would it hurt you to crack a smile even just once?"

"I can't get hurt, remember? I can't experience pain. That's why you took me into the mafia two months ago, right? Now, what's my job?" You ask with a little more annoyance seeping into your tone. Mori looks slightly surprised before he laughs again.

"Goodness, (Y/n). How could I forget? Haha. You truly have no patience whatsoever. Alright though. Here's your job: I'm sending you on an assignment with Dazai here." Mori gestures to the bandaged-eye guy to his left.

The guy shoots Mori a curious look with an almost child-like innocence. It's completely different from the blank stare he'd had when you'd entered.

"What? With me?"

"Yes, Dazai. With you."

"It's not with that Chuuya this time?" Dazai asks.

"This is a very different kind of job I need you to handle. Something only the Great Dazai can do." This Dazai person seems to think for a moment. Then, a lightbulb of realization flashes across his face. What he realized, you are unsure of, but you surmised it's likely important to the job.

"(Y/n), it has come to my attention that you were approached by some suspicious characters recently. You reported it yourself, correct?"

"Yes." You nod promptly in response to Mori's questioning. "I encountered some smugglers just this Wednesday."

"Right. And they approached you with a business deal regarding some new models of artillery? Can you confirm this?" You nod your head mechanically.

"Yes, sir."

The truth is, while you did encounter some strangers with a business offer, that isn't the entire story.

Mori dons a small smile, albeit, somewhat unnaturally. It's the kind of smile that doesn't reach the eyes.

"Very well then. I've been considering the deal you reported that these people had to offer. I think the mafia has room to benefit as far as new weaponry goes. However, it goes without saying that I'm uncertain that we can trust them fully. So, I'm sending you and Dazai to investigate as a sort of precaution."

Suddenly, Dazai chimes in. His face of stoicism returns.

"Boss, is it really necessary for me to go? From what I can tell, you've already made up your mind about all this."

"Yes, Dazai. I ask that you cooperate with me on this." Dazai scoffs and whines in response, his expression becoming that of a pouty child.

"Aw, but boss-"

"Dazai, I'll consider working on that super special suicide substance while you're gone." Now that catches the guy's attention.

"Alright, fine...If you say so."

You can't help but question who this guy is. You've heard things here and there. He's some right-hand man type of guy to Mori. But, that kind of information hardly qualifies as knowing the guy. You mutter quietly in slight confusion.

Are we really the same age? He's kind of...childish.

You don't have much time to dwell on it however. Mori speaks up again promptly.

"Very well then. In that case, Dazai, (Y/n), you're both dismissed. I look forward to the answers you bring back to me."

With that, Dazai, ambles out of Mori's office, humming some sort of off-key tune. You follow closely behind him, as you await what is to come.