Alex’s POV
I strum my guitar silently; the room is completely quiet with a heavy atmosphere hung all over our heads. Jack doesn’t say much apart from the occasional dirty looks he gives me. Zack isn’t much of the natural white side anymore, he doesn’t give me as much dirty looks or judging attires, he just…doesn’t seem to want to give me much pleasure of feeling that everything seems right. Rian is the weird one, he isn’t as blatant as Jack or Zack; he just seemed disapproving. Maybe he remembers about the time when he was stuck between his now-ex and Cass. Maybe I am wrong, but I just want to keep Jasey around me and the only thing I know how…is this.
I know Jack went to Jasey’s place to have a talk with her, but he didn’t say anything to me after that. I asked him about how she is, about everything…but he didn’t say anything, he still doesn’t want to tell me anything at all. It’s driving me crazy. I suspect that what I do is completely wrong, but what else can I do? I am at lost and none of these fuckers would tell me what to do. I haven’t talked to Jasey in a couple of weeks now and I can barely get through each day without running to her and keep her inside my arms and never letting her go. I get this feeling that what I do now wouldn’t keep her around me; I’ll just make her leave and find someone else instead…someone else…ouch.
“Jack!” I nearly scream my head off as Jack glares at me for the hundreds of time. He doesn’t seem to get startled by my sudden outburst; Rian’s the one who replies me with trains of unattractive swear words.
“Alex” he replies meekly, keeping his concentration back to his guitar.
“Jesus, just tell me what happened already! You are driving me insane! Just tell me whatever it is you want to tell me!” it’s my turn to glare at him.
“I went to Jasey’s place a couple days ago” he starts, not letting go of his gaze upon his guitar.
“I know that part already” I don’t know since when did I become this impatient, but if it has something to do with Jasey, I need to know.
“She is completely tortured, Alex!” now he returns my glare in the least pleasant way ever, “her work is catching up on her, her place is a complete mess, and she is tired and exhausted and upset. She is insecure about herself now, she told me that she’s completely fine with you and someone else, but she’s afraid because she didn’t feel like she’s good enough for you to just fucking go to her and tell her everything! She thinks that she is an insignificant part of our group just for the fact that you push her away just like that” Jack stands up by that point, “I like Jasey, Alex, and you make her feel like she’s just an unwanted addition to our group. I thought you cared about her; you can’t just go and do that! If you ever pull that to me with such a lame excuse of ‘keeping me around’ I would fucking beat you up and I will never go near you anymore. Is that what you want from her?”
I’m completely taken aback by that. His words are harsh, sure, but I can only concentrate on the part where he said that Jasey feels insecure and unwanted. I’m a fucking asshole.
“Alex” Jack’s voice is calming down, “You are most cruel for leaving her hanging like that. You should just end things up if you don’t want that anymore or if you are afraid it will destroy everything. If you still hold on to the part where you don’t want her to leave you, us, then just tell her everything you need to say. If you want to let her down, let her down easy” Jack picks his guitar from the floor, averting his attention back to the strings.
Jack has rendered me speechless. I need time to process everything he has been saying. I am a complete moron for doing this, I know, but this was the only solution my stupid brain could think of and now I’m hurting her just because I want to keep her around me, which ironically, did the complete opposite. Rian pretends like he could not hear our banters, he engrosses himself trying to make the perfectly arranged drum set perfect. Zack, on the other hand, gives his best glare to me. I have a feeling I am not done being yelled at yet, not that I don’t deserve all of this. Of course, after everything I had done, I deserve this.
“I just…” I find my voice wavers, “I am not sure…I don’t know where I should start…I am just…I am confused…” I said lamely
“Get your shit together, Gaskarth” Zack’s voice is dangerously calm. I turn my head towards him.
“There’s a reason why you shut her out at the first place and I know you know what the reason is and it’s not your usual lame excuse of how you want to keep her around. It’s so much more than that. You are scared and you’re backing away like a coward.”
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Cassadee’s POV
“Jasey, let’s have some lunch” I knock on her bedroom door. Her living room is a hell for people with OCD. I don’t even have OCD and it’s already driving me insane.
“I already have lunch” she muffles from under her pillow. I make my way inside her bedroom; thankfully it’s so much tidier than her living room. Jasey’s propped under the blanket, pressing a pillow over her face.
“Come on, let’s go out and have some fresh air, you need it”
“It’s Saturday, Cass. The only day without Matt pestering anyone around and gives me crazy shitstorm of paper work. I don’t want to do anything” Jasey putts her pillow down, starring at me with glossy red eyes.
“Did you cry?” I gasp as I sit next to her on the bed. She shakes her head sheepishly, “I haven’t slept since like 2 days ago”
“Jasey, be honest to me” I prepare myself, “could it be that Matt didn’t give you that much of works but you’re the one engrossing, drowning yourself inside your work?”
Jasey coughs. Bingo.
“Why do you think of that?” she denies
“Because a person wouldn’t change that much after a clean cut breakup”
“He did though. The first few days, before…” she gulps, “before Alex is pushing me away he did and that’s why I hadn’t seen the signs he tried to show me. After Matt realizes that being unpleasant wouldn’t help and he stopped, I begin to pick things up and that’s when I ask for more than I could take…” Jasey rolls over to her belly, hiding her face inside her pillow.
“Why do you do that? It’s not good for you…”
“Because that’s how I deal with myself. I am completely confused…and sad” she snorts at the last word, tilting her head towards me, a ghost of smile hung over her face. She is not the Jasey I knew, she isn’t the smart warm person I met. And when she spoke her next sentence with a cold, harsh voice, I just want to shake her back to her usual self.
“The old nightmare is happening all over again, Cass”
YOU ARE READING
No Idea (@carolimelda)
FanfictionJasey is a girl that Alex talked to when she was lost in a festival and since that they become friends that leads to them taking advantages of each other. Will this relationship works for them?
