Jasey feels strangely nervous; after all, this moment would decide everything. It has been hard enough for her to gather the courage to confront what she’s afraid of the most, but she knows that if she wants to get better, she has to do this. She stalks her way from the little wooden gates, taking deep breaths as she stands in front of the double door she has gone through so many times before. Here goes nothing.
She knocks. Her breaths become shorter for each passing seconds. 'One more minutes and I am out of here', she decides. She draws her knuckles back to the door, knocking one more time. She can almost hear her own heartbeat drumming.
“Coming!” the voice she’ll recognize anywhere is suddenly heard, making her unsteady heartbeat leaps. The butterfly inside her stomach doesn’t help either.
“Jasey?” the voice is uncertain, startled, filled with wonder.
“Alex…” she breathes, feeling suddenly overwhelmed by his presence. She has missed him a bit too much.
“we need to talk…”
“S…sure…” he opens up the door wider, escorting Jasey to his living room. The place Jasey had messed up with a couple of times before. After this talk, she might never be here anymore. She takes on the scene, the room around her, if she’s going to miss this; she’s going to miss all of the little details as well.
“I need to know…” she starts; her voice is wavering, almost cracking. She stops herself before she breaks, taking a couple of deep breaths, composing herself, “I need to know where we are” she stops, assessing Alex’s face.
“I understand if you want an out, Alex”
Alex stares at her wide-eyed. His jaw drops, he holds his hand up, preparing his answer,
“I don’t expect you to stay with me and with our ridiculous agreement” Jasey cuts Alex off, not letting him to say anything. At least, not until she has finished everything she has prepared to say, “I don’t expect you to always be around me and I know that you’d soon find a girl that is so much better than I am, and maybe you have. I know since the very start that someday you would find that one special girl” she smiles, “and I am happy for you if you have found her. I can assure you, she is a very lucky girl, whoever she is. But I just have a little bit of expectation from you Alex…If you could just tell me that you need an out, that would be a lot better than this. You could have just told me everything, I will give you my full blessing and I wouldn’t interfere with anything. But you need to just tell me rather than avoiding me. I wouldn’t have to wonder about what I’ve done wrong or where I had messed up at…I wouldn’t have to wonder where we are if you could just tell me…”
Jasey stands up from the couch, facing Alex. Alex is slouching against the wall, barely able to look at Jasey. He draws sharp breaths as he senses Jasey’s going closer to him, his heartbeat is just as unstable as Jasey was. He gathers all his will to tilt his head upward, looking straight into Jasey’s glossy eyes. He misses her, he misses her in his arms, and he misses her presence in his house. But not like this, not like the hug she gives him right at this moment. Not this…silent goodbye she offers him through her cold hug, not when she tells him that she is going to stay away from him, from his life. He misses her in a much different way than what’s happening right then and there. He doesn’t want her in his arms when she’s saying goodbye. He wants her to stay. He wants her warm hugs and giggles in his house. He wants her warmth to spread all over his house, not this…chilling cold atmosphere as she slowly steps away, nodding to Alex with her lips whispering that she will miss him.
“No, Jasey” Alex finds his voice, stern and strong. He catches Jasey’s wrist, pulling her back to him. There is no way he would let her walk away. Not now, not ever, not from because of this situation, not because of any situations.
“I do not want you to leave…I’ve never wanted you to leave since the day I met you…” Alex pulls her dangerously close. Jasey couldn’t find the will to move away and Alex has every will to keep her close to him. He rests his head on top of hers, smelling the faint smell of her shampoo he has been so familiar with, “I am a mess right now. I am an idiot and you have every right if you want to stay away from me” his voice flatters. Of course she has the right to leave him, that doesn’t mean he would want her to.
“I am scared…I am scared I couldn’t keep my part of the agreement…of the easy relationship, of no string attached, I am afraid I couldn’t keep that anymore and I am afraid you’d leave me if you know that” he stops, trying to know what Jasey might be thinking, will she push him away?
Jasey stays, she clutches on Alex’s arms, giving Alex the courage he has been desperately trying to get.
“Things have changed, Jasey…I can’t keep myself from being protective over you…I can’t keep myself from keeping any feelings away from all of this. I couldn’t be the old, easy-going self. Things have changed, this…feeling inside me has grown and it keeps on growing. I don’t know how to stop that and to be completely honest; I don’t have the will to stop it. I let it grow and before I can stop myself, I am more drawn to you than ever and that is why I am scared…” his voice is dropping, afraid of her leaving him again. But she stays; Jasey stays inside his arms.
“I thought…I thought I could just stop myself but I can’t. I’ve been too confused to realize what I’m actually feeling and when I realized what that is, all of my senses is numbed by the horror of you leaving me. So I took the worst decision I’ve made for a while. I thought if I keep you an arm-length away I could stop myself, but stupidly enough, I pushed you away instead and I am sorry. I am scared by the thought of you leaving me and this feeling I got whenever I am around you scares me. But when I can’t talk to you, when you’re drawing back, I miss you too much it fucking hurts…” Alex tightened his hug unconsciously, as though he wants to melt Jasey inside of him.
“Alex…” she draws back, startling Alex. His eyes grow wider. But she smiles at him, a small, genuine, sweet smile Alex has been dying to see. He relaxes,
“I am scared too” her lips trembled, she clasp her hands on her lips, “I am afraid that everything becomes too surreal…I am afraid when I thought you’re going to leave me and I am scared of the thought of you being with someone else. I don’t know why those things frightened me but they did, they do” she puts her hands over his chest, staring at his warm brown eyes.
“But whatever it is we’re so scared of shouldn’t stand between us. Whatever it is shouldn’t get into our ways, it shouldn’t tear us apart because you’re my one best friend and honestly…I am kind of lost without you...” she smirks.
Alex pulls her close again. This will do. As long as he can keep her around him, that will do. He feels like a complete fool now, he should have just told her about everything rather than hurt her for his coward acts. She’ll be here again, he smiles, she will stick around again; she will not be away from him again. Alex smiles his biggest smile since a while and Jasey does too. She is holding him; he is not pushing her out again. She sighs her wariness away.
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Jeez these two idiots…. 2 more chapters! Are you guys excited?
Tell me what you think so far.
I know sometimes you just want to smack these two in the head, but bear with them! ; )
YOU ARE READING
No Idea (@carolimelda)
FanfictionJasey is a girl that Alex talked to when she was lost in a festival and since that they become friends that leads to them taking advantages of each other. Will this relationship works for them?
